Married... with Children (TV Series)

All in the Family (1988)

King Kong Bundy: Uncle Irwin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud Bundy : Hey, Mom, are we going to go down to the pony rides to see the look on the horse's face when Uncle Irwin chooses his mount?

  Peggy Bundy : No, not today, honey. Ever since Daddy paid for lunch with his watch, he's... he's been sort of a crab apple.

  Uncle Irwin : I think he's mad at us.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, well, don't take it personally. Daddy always takes a noose with him into the bathroom.

  Peggy Bundy : Uh-oh. Daddy's in the bathroom? Mom's up there taking a bath. Well, maybe he won't notice.

  [Al screams and appears walking down the stairs] 

  Al Bundy : Peg, I'm blind!

  Peggy Bundy : Very funny, Al.

  Al Bundy : No, really, Peg. I saw your mother naked and... everything went black. I think my eyes were trying to protect my heart. Now I'm not going to see Hondo, Peg!

• [last lines. Al wakes up from his daydream] 

  Peggy Bundy : Honey, you're sweating, and you haven't answered me yet. Is it okay if my family comes for a visit?

  [the doorbell rings] 

  Peggy Bundy : Well, it doesn't really matter what you say. Besides, how bad can it be?

  [Irwin puts his head through the door] 

  Uncle Irwin : We're here!

• Bud Bundy : Uncle Irwin, are you going to put your head through the TV again?

  Uncle Irwin : Ah, if you're good.

• Peggy Bundy : Al, how about taking us out to eat?

  Al Bundy : Ah, what the hell. Kids, you didn't really want to go to college, did you?

  Kelly Bundy : We'd rather eat.

  Uncle Irwin : Well, if we're gonna go, we'd better get going, because once we unload your mom, it's harder than hell to squeeze her back in. She kicks like a mule.

  Bud Bundy : Uncle Irwin, are you going to put your head in the salad bar again?

  Uncle Irwin : Ah, if you're good.

• Uncle Otto : Al, I want to let you in on a little family secret.

  Al Bundy : You're the fourth triplet?

  Uncle Otto : Well, I know everybody thinks that the family income is derived primarily from the still.

  Uncle Irwin : And the home yogurt business.

  Uncle Otto : Quiet, Mr. Pork-at-the-bottom!

  Uncle Irwin : It'll catch on.

  Uncle Otto : Oh, please. Anyhow, the triplets add greatly to our income.

  Al Bundy : Uh, Otto, uh, excuse me. Kelly, go upstairs.

  [Kelly shakes her head] 

  Uncle Otto : They sing! They sing at carnivals, beer fests. Last month, they worked regular and cleared a neat 88.50.

  Uncle Irwin : Don't tell the IRS.

  Uncle Otto : Now something's happened that's threatened the act.

  [the triplets come downstairs] 

  Al Bundy : They faced the audience?

• Al Bundy : Now, listen, before the festival of the inbreds starts, I want everybody to know that Hondo will be coming on. During Hondo, there will be no belly-butting, no spitting for distance...

  [directly to Uncle Otto] 

  Al Bundy : ... and no one running around with underwear on their heads.

  Uncle Irwin : [beat]  We could have gone to a hotel.