- Grandma Ida: [knocking on the front door] Are you going to open the door, or should I lie down in the grass and feed the worms?
- Francis: Oh, great. Who opened the gates of hell?
- Lois: Hal, why don't you take the boys out tomorrow and do something fun? I could use the time alone, anyway, to straighten up the house before the baby comes.
- Piama: I can help you clean.
- Lois: [trying to disguise her resentment of Piama] Well, that'll take a little longer, but I guess I could use the company.
- Hal: Hey, there's a car show at the convention center.
- Malcolm: Yeah, let's spend the whole day looking at cool things that we'll never get to own.
- Lois: Oh, come on, Malcolm. If we only looked at stuff we could afford, all we'd ever see is crap.
- Grandma Ida: [at dinner] Pass the rolls.
- Grandma Ida: [Francis takes a piece of bread, rolls it up and licks it, and hands it to Ida to show his disrespect] You think that bothers me?
- Grandma Ida: [she pops the piece of bread in her mouth] Guess why your soup tasted different when you came back from bathroom.
- Lois: Mother, we can't afford to put you up here.
- Grandma Ida: You can afford a maid.
- Piama: I'm not the maid, Ida. My name is Piama. I'm married to Francis.
- Grandma Ida: [to Lois] Tell the help not to talk to me.
- Reese: I know I haven't been everywhere, but I'm pretty sure this is the most boring place on Earth.