M*A*S*H (TV Series)
War of Nerves (1977)
Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I got it.
[Hawkeye holds his fork in front of BJ's face]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Smell this.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Oh, come on. Don't start with me.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I know what it smells like.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : I mean it. I can't eat if you do that.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Just take a sniff.
[BJ sniffs the food on Hawkeye's fork]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : If you took a raw egg and buried it in a shoe under a chicken coop.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : I told you not to do that! How am I gonna eat this stuff?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Am I right? But a brown egg. A brown egg, right?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Will you shut up?
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Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III : [after Hawkeye and BJ put a cot on the bonfire] A cot. How can you do that?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : It's just a thing. It has no intrinsic value.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Besides, it's yours.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Colonel Potter, I clearly saw Major Winchester touch his nose.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You naughty boy.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Colonel, I refuse to spend another seven and a half minutes scrubbing up because of this woman's paranoid hallucinations!
Col. Sherman T. Potter : She's a pretty good observer, Winchester.
Maj. Charles Winchester : I DID NOT TOUCH MY NO-- I did not touch my nose.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : You DID touch your nose! I SAW you touch your nose!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : It's the battle of the noses, ladies and gentlemen. Who do you think is ahead, Captain Hunnicutt?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Well, Winchester was ahead for a while, but he blew it.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Say, that's disgusting.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Smell this.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Will you, for crying out loud, stop making me smell your food? I can't eat as it is!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You know, you're completely deficient in imagination.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You're completely deficient.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Major Winchester, I'm terribly sorry. Would you mind stepping outside and scrubbing up?
Maj. Charles Winchester : [Chuckling] I kind of doubt that'll be necessary, Major. I just spent seven and a half minutes scrubbing.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Yes, but that was before you touched your nose.
Maj. Charles Winchester : I beg your pardon?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Your nose. You touched your nose. You're no longer sterile. If you operate now, you'll contaminate the field.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Of course. That is precisely what I would do, if in fact I had touched my nose, which I didn't.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Major, I saw you touch your nose!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Major, do you think my face is insensate? Don't you think if I had touched my nose, I would have felt it?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I just felt something over my lip. Maybe you touched my nose.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You touch his nose, Charles, you'll have to marry him.