M*A*S*H (1972–1983)
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Major Topper 

Between the Swamp-mates trying to top each other, the camp deals with a bad batch of morphine and a corporal who shoots down invisible enemy gliders.


(as Charles Dubin)


, (developed for television by)


Episode cast overview:
Hamilton Camp ...
Andrew Bloch ...
Donald Blackwell ...
Peter Zapp ...
Sgt. Glassberg


Hawkeye and BJ are increasingly annoyed at Major One-Up and his mania to prove his alleged automatic superiority at every activity, endeavor or exploit. Klinger has a new "protege," Corporal "Boots" Miller, a non-comm who deejays, sings and films with his stirring spoon... and talks to his shoe and sock. Bad news in 4077 Post Op: there is one box of morphine left until tomorrow. But, Nurse Kellye has a GI who had a horrible reaction to some of that last batch and Colonel Potter orders the batch destroyed and suggests a radical form of treatment in lieu of morphine. As Miller acts progressively nuttier, Klinger is the first to tell Col. Potter to give Miller a Section 8; Potter thinks he is in cahoots with Miller until the enemy glider incident. In Post Op, everyone but Chuckles is credibly playing his/her part dispensing the old Doc Schumaker/Potter treatment. Can the mind help cure the body? Is Miller crazy or laughing all the way to the bank? Written by LA-Lawyer

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis


Comedy | Drama | War





Release Date:

27 March 1978 (USA)  »

Company Credits

Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs

Sound Mix:

(RCA Photophone Sound Recording)


Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
See  »

Did You Know?


The song Colonel Potter quotes in the beginning of the episode is "Dem Bones," aka "Dry Bones," a spiritual based on the Scripture from Ezekiel 37. See more »


It is learned at around 6:30 p.m. that the last box of morphine might be contaminated, and there won't be any more delivered until the next day. They can't wait because the wounded patients are in serious pain. Potter says to try a placebo and tells Hawkeye and BJ to start making some sugar pills. However, they don't get to the medicine storeroom/lab to make them until 1 a.m. See more »


Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Oh, yeah?
Major Charles Winchester: Brilliant riposte, Pierce.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Oh, yeah?
See more »


References The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) See more »


Come on-a My House
Written by Ross Bagdasarian and William Saroyan
Performed by Hamilton Camp
See more »

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User Reviews

Bearing False Witness for Fun and Profit
4 April 2015 | by (United States) – See all my reviews

The unit is running out of morphine and the final box appears to be contaminated. Potter suggests that the mind is stronger than the body sometimes and that perhaps a placebo will fool the patients. All the surgeons agree to keep what they are doing a secret until the next day when a new supply will arrive. The second plot concerns a guy who talks to his socks and pretends spoons are microphones. At first Klinger believes he is another fake like himself, but when the guy starts firing rifles in the air to shoot down gliders, he begins to believe he is really crazy. The results turn out to be pretty successful. This whole episode is about one-upsmanship and deception.

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