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"M*A*S*H" Iron Guts Kelly (TV Episode 1974) Poster

(TV Series)

(1974)

Quotes

[Margaret and Gen. Kelly stand close for a snapshot]

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: Oh, your gun is digging into my thigh.

Lt. Gen. Robert 'Iron Guts' Kelly: Lucky gun.

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Maj. Frank Burns: [Frank knocks on Margaret's door and sees Hawkeye and Trapper] What's going on?

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: Nothing's going on, Frank. I just couldn't sleep.

Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: And we couldn't sleep.

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: So we're all here not sleeping together.

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Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: [answering phone] MASH 4077th, Colonel Blake here. When? How? Wow!

Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: [curious about the phone call] What is it?

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: [covers phone] Oh, a Korean national on a bicycle, his family, their furniture and a pig made a bad turn and sent one of our ambulances over an embankment.

[on phone]

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: Was anyone hurt? Yeah? Yeah.

[covers phone]

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: Well, they pulled six business girls out of the ambulance, they're ok, but the General's dead. He's been killed.

[on phone]

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: General Who? Kelly?

Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: Wow!

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: General Kelly's been killed!

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: You'd think the girls would have broken his fall!

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: Lord, he was just here! Well, what's he doing in an ambulance? I didn't know he was sick!

Colonel Wortman: [takes phone from Col. Blake] Colonel Wortman here, General Kelly's aide. Now listen carefully, this is an order. Take the General's body, put it in a Jeep, and drive it up to G sector.

Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: Uh, sir, there's no fighting there, just diarrhea.

Colonel Wortman: [covers phone] I'll provide the fighting.

[on phone]

Colonel Wortman: Get on with it!

[talking to Radar again]

Colonel Wortman: Get me Kimpo Air base. I want a squadron of jets. And get me the Navy for some offshore bombardment. Major General Robert "Iron Guts" Kelly is gonna perish in a full-scale, blazing, all-out glorious, star-spangled bannered death.

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: [walks over to talk to Hawkeye and Trapper] Hey guys.

Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: Yes, Henry.

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: Is he talking about killing a General who's already dead?

Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: That's right, Henry.

Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake: Well, uh, isn't that sort of crazy?

Colonel Wortman: [on phone] And rockets! I want plenty of rockets!

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: That's for the red glare.

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Colonel Wortman: What's wrong? Is the general ill?

Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: He's a little past ill.

Colonel Wortman: What are you saying?

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: He's dead.

Colonel Wortman: Dead? Wh - he, he can't be dead!

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Look, we both studied dead; this man's dead!

Colonel Wortman: Wh - he, he w - he was fine a little while ago. What happened?

Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: Myocardial infarction.

Colonel Wortman: What does that mean?

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: It means his pearl-handled guns are up for grabs now.

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Colonel Wortman: [He's just awakened Radar] That's not a teddy bear, is it?

Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: Uh, yes sir. Regulations against having the real kind.

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Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: [Concluding a call with a front-line sector under heavy fire] Well, I guess I'll let you get back to your fun...

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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