- Hawkeye writes his dad, describing the antics of the 4077th.
- Just like in the pilot, Hawkeye directs a few words to his father in Maine; this time, in keeping with Christmas spirit, Hawkeye writes them down. Hawkeye describes his first Christmas in Korea: the good Father is giving the camp a Yuletide look...and also helping Klinger make one of his first fashion statements. Trapper is delivering smiles, lollipops and a bouncing baby calf; Radar is delivering a jeep (and a gigantic hernia) to Ottumwa, Iowa. Henry is a much superior friend than superior officer; his lectures on sex are legend because, even with diagrams, no one can figure out how Part A inserts into Person B. The Captains inject Major romantic chaos into "date night" while Hawkeye gets Major bliss from free samples. Trapper has the heart of Santa Claus, but for once, Hawkeye has his red suit. A helicopter is like a noisy sleigh without reindeer... swinging from a rough, rope ladder, SantaHawk and his medical bag are a sight for sore GIs.—LA-Lawyer
- Christmas is approaching and Hawkeye is occupying his time with warm blankets, dry martinis and a letter that he is writing to his Dad back home in Vermont. Reminding him war might have been rough in the days of the Civil War but it's no picnic in modern times either. Fortunately, Hawkeye is writing the letter during a lull after three straight days of overwork in the O.R. He recounts in the letter how the tensions mounted between Trapper and Frank. Henry tried to ease tension by asking about the Bears/Packers game while Frank strongly suggested that the O.R. could use some military discipline. Hawkeye played if off as a joke but then recounts in the letter that humor in an operating room might seem like sacrilege but it's is a necessary defense against the stress.
In contrast to the stress in the O.R., Hawkeye recalls the ways in which Father Mulcahy tried keeping the spirit of the season alive and well despite the dismal setting of a war zone, first by setting up a makeshift nativity scene and then by getting some of the enlisted men to find a suitable Christmas Tree. Next Hawkeye recalls Radar's latest adventure, trying to secretly mail a jeep home one piece at a time. Hawkeye and Trapper were curious about what he was doing, so they took an X-ray of one of his packages and realized that it contained the steering wheel. When asked about the packages, Radar told Henry that they were toys for the orphanage, to which Henry was all too happy to help get it on its way.
Next up is a recounting of Henry's fumbling attempts to keep with the Army's silly regulation of providing the officers and staff with a monthly lecture. Unfortunately, this month's lecture is on premarital sex and the family, which a very nervous Henry clearly isn't fit to deliver. Naturally, Hawkeye and Trapper can't stop with the jokes, Margaret and Frank try to take things seriously, and Radar sits in the front row genuinely trying to learn something. Finally, Henry gets so nervous that he can't finish the lecture and bolts out of the tent to the applause of Hawkeye and Trapper. Next is Trapper who spent his off hours doing some very good work: giving shots, lollipops and smiles to the local Korean children from the surrounding area. During one of these sessions, he was called by an elderly Korean man to help a local who had gone into labor: a baby calf, for which he received a gallon of milk.
Over in recovery, Hawkeye recalls that while Father Mulcahy was still trying to spruce the place up with holiday cheer, an argument broke out between Frank and Klinger. It seems that Frank wanted him to remove his scarf (given to him by his mother) because it wasn't regulation. Klinger refused and Frank knocked the tray of specimens out of his hands leading to a scuffle. Father Mulcahy tries to break it up. Klinger knocks Frank cold, and the Father sends him away just as the M.P.s show up. After successfully persuading the officer to let him handle the situation he leaves recovery to finds Klinger who is on his way back with a hand grenade. Appealing to his sense of humanity, Father Mulcahy (William Christopher) tries to persuade Klinger to hand over the grenade, reasoning that everyone including Frank is tired. Klinger reasons that he can't take off the bandanna because he's afraid that it will bring him bad luck and something horrible will happen. Mulcahy assures him that he can keep it and Klinger turns over the grenade. Next he details the life and times of one Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan and her strange duality of femininity and military discipline. Her recent "date" with Frank was undone when Hawkeye and Trapper made their way into her tent while she was out and rearranged some things that turned the evening into a complete disaster.
Finally, the Korean children were getting all excited for the Christmas party, complete with Santa Claus - or in this case Hawkeye Claus, whom everyone is just hoping would arrive sober. Dressed as the right jolly old elf and on the way to the festivities he was intercepted by Henry who had just received an urgent message about an infantry squad that was pinned down by heavy crossfire on Hill 28 about 20 miles away. Their corporal was hit bad and needed a surgeon badly if he hoped to survive. The only person qualified for a chest wound was Hawkeye and the chopper at that moment was waiting to fly him out. So, Hawkeye was flown there and dropped onto the site still dressed as Santa.
Hawkeye signs off the letter on behalf of himself and everyone else at the 4077th. Merry Christmas!
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