- Laura Ingalls: [the goat drank all of Mr. Edwards home-made gin] Don't you like Fred?
- Isaiah Edwards: Sure I like him, over biscuits with gravy. And if I see him again that's where he'll be.
- Caroline Ingalls: Oh Charles, I forgot to tell you! There's a goat...
- [Charles is butted by goat]
- Caroline Ingalls: ...in the barn.
- Laura Ingalls: I guess I just sort of feel sorry for Fred.
- Charles Ingalls: Sorry for Fred? What about me? I didn't butt Fred!
- Laura Ingalls: Well what I mean is... well... maybe Fred thought he was doing a good thing. Maybe he thought you were a robber and he was protecting the barn.
- Laura Ingalls: Pa, do you know that Fred is a very special goat? He's the last of his kind.
- Charles Ingalls: I surely hope so.
- Harriet Oleson: [Harriet is covered in mud from head to toe] Laura Ingalls, look at me! Well, this is all your fault!
- Eva Beadle: Mrs. Olson, what happened?
- Harriet Oleson: What happened? Well, I'll tell you what happened! I was viciously attacked by that loathsome monster that this... this... swindling moppet foisted off on my poor Willie!
- Laura Ingalls: I didn't swindle Willie, Mrs. Olsen.
- Willie Oleson: Did so! How'd she do it, Ma?
- Harriet Oleson: A billy goat to make cheese?
- Laura Ingalls: I gotta study my intos.
- Caroline Ingalls: Your what?
- Laura Ingalls: You know, like ten goes into sixty and nine goes into sixty-four. That kind of stuff.
- Caroline Ingalls: That was a fiery sermon the Reverend preached this morning.
- Charles Ingalls: Yes indeed. "The wages of sin." Really got the folks stirred up.
- Caroline Ingalls: Guess he changed his mind. He said he was going to talk about "Love all creatures great and small."
- Grace Snider Edwards: Alright now children, how did that goat get drunk?
- Carl Sanderson Edwards: Pa...
- Isaiah Edwards: Don't you 'Pa' me! Now, you tell your mother!
- Carl Sanderson Edwards: I was up at your thinking place, Pa.
- Grace Snider Edwards: Thinking place?
- Carl Sanderson Edwards: I guess Fred got sort of thirsty. He drank up all of your invention. You know, the new kind of turpentine you're inventing, with raisins and sugar.
- Grace Snider Edwards: Raisins and sugar, hm? A thinking place? Sounds more like a drinking place to me. We'll talk more on this later, MISTER EDWARDS!