- Andy Anderson: Why would you pay good money to go hear a comedian when you could stay here and listen to me for free?
- Little Louie: You mean you could've married him? You could've been Mrs. Kazoo? I could've been Louie Kazoo!
- Glen Glenn: [taunting] I see London, I see France, ha ha ha ha!
- Little Louie: That's real original. Gee, wouldn't you like to climb inside this guy's head? Hey, maybe we should all go, you know there's room.
- Heckler: That's the worst joke I ever heard!
- Marty Kazoo: Who is this guy? Wouldn't you like to get inside his head? Empty! They can all go inside his head. There's room for everybody.
- [the audience laughs as the heckler shrinks back into his seat]
- Little Louie: My dad can fix anything, especially if it already works. One day, his Rambler didn't start so he tore the engine apart, and later found out it ran out of gas.