John Munch: Miss Webber was told to disrobe, put her feet up in stirrups, and try to picture David Hasselhoff on Baywatch.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Your honor, this witness is not qualified to testify on the treatment for hysteria.
John Munch: Actually, sir, I am. Up until 1952, hysteria was one of the most commonly diagnosed illnesses among women. The medical treatment was hysterical paroxysm.
Court Reporter: Could the witness spell that?
John Munch: O-R-G-A-S-M.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Well, while you wait take her photo around, see if you can find a co-worker who knew her, all right. Munch, Cassidy! You available?
John Munch: To do with as you will, after court.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Oh, right, Doctor Buzzjoy.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Oh, that's an open and shut case, Munch, try not to screw it up with your insane rambling.
[She walks away, Munch continues to stare at her]
Det. Monique Jefferies: And stop looking at my ass.
Det. Monique Jefferies: So you're saying *all* women are whores?
Det. John Munch: Don't be ridiculous. I don't know *all* the women in the world.
[a teenaged friend of Kathleen's is pregnant, and Elliot is trying to find the right time to talk about waiting to have sex - he is helping her practice soccer by kicking balls for her to block from the goal]
Elliot Stabler: You didn't come out again, honey.
Elliot Stabler: So... one ball can change the game. It's like - it's like life. When I get close to you, you just come on out and cut off my angle, OK? Just try it again. Come on out, come on out.
[he kicks the ball, it goes past her into the goal]
Kathleen: Thanks, that was great advice.
Elliot Stabler: Honey, you did great, you did great, it's just that... the players in this game, they know a lotta tricks. Never commit until you know where they're coming from, and even then you just - you gotta be careful. You understand?
Elliot Stabler: Good, OK.
Elliot Stabler: Because they'll be attacking you from every angle.
Elliot Stabler: Just guard it with your life, sweetie.
Kathleen: Oh, boy.
Elliot Stabler: OK. Come on, kick it back.
Kathleen: Dad, I'm a virgin, OK?
[she kicks the ball to him, he stands still and it goes by him]
Elliot Stabler: OK.