Bette: Tina... I didn't try to see you or call you until now because I wanted to make sure that I could do what you asked of me. I promise, I'm never going to see Candace again. I'm never going to speak to her again. I'm never ever going to think about her again. I miss you. More than that, I made you. And, I don't think I could live without you. It is completely and totally over.
Tina: When did you end it?
Bette: This morning. I told her that you were the love of my life and that I didn't know what I was doing and that I must have gone temporarily insane.
Tina: Did you tell her in person, or on the phone?
Bette: Why does that matter?
Tina: Because I drove by the house at 2:00 AM, and your car wasn't there. Did you fuck ALL night before you told her that I was the love of your life this morning?
Tonya: [completely shocked] Bette is still "schtuping" the carpenter?
Alice: Ariana Huffington is fifty. She's not really your type. She's kinda fancy
Shane: I'm doing her hair, Al, I'm not gonna fuck her.
Alice: Oh, okay. 'Cause the old Shane would.
Shane: [Dana joins the table] Well in that case, if she's hot...
Tonya: [to Dana] Honey, Shane is doing Ariana Huffington.
Dana: You're doing Ariana Huffington? She's fifty, Shane!
Shane: Her hair.
[after Tina rebuffs her attempt at reconciliation yet again]
[Shane and Alice are at the Planet talking when they see the annoying Tonya walk in]
Shane: Oh, shit.
Alice: Oh no, I cannot take Cruella DeVille this morning. Do something... uh... pretend I'm upset.
Shane: What? What?
Alice: Put your arm around me! Um... I'll just start sobbing, and...
[Shanes complies by putting her arm on Alice]
Alice: Obviously it'll be a really intimate moment. I mean... no halfway, sensitive person would ever dream of interrupting.
Tonya: Guys! You guys!
[Tonya sits at their table, completely unaware of their private moment. Alice and Shane make faces, then go back to what they were doing]
Tonya: This place is falling apart! Did you guys hear what happened to Marina?