Carl Kolchak: There's an old simple axiom about the dead: Don't disturb them, not for any reason at all. Well, I decided to ignore that, and, so, I was almost beheaded by a phantom sword.
Captain Jonas: Now, you're just upset, Mrs. Morton, and thanks to this man and his morbid, macabre babbling!
Carl Kolchak: Babbling? And you're supposed to be the brightest and the youngest captain on the force, huh? Well, you're not even fit to be captain of the Rockettes! Suck in your gut!
Captain Jonas: And you're telling me that I should go into a barn of bones, and-and find someone's skull, and then play pin-the-head-on-the-stump?
Patient #2: [laughing] That was no spider. That was my wife.
Carl Kolchak: When people are young, they do crazy things. I remember I used to swallow goldfish. No, no, I did. Matter of fact, I'm still considering doing it - the price of food these days.
Carl Kolchak: The teenage years - sixteen candles, fervent passions, aimless joyrides, and the forbidden taste of beer - a time the world allows for sowing one's wild oats; but, for some individuals I came to know in the summer of their discontent, it had been a time when they had sown the seeds of their own destruction.
Neil: Boy! Look at Morton's hair. Look at that oil. The only thing missing is the croutons.