- Lt. Theo Kojak: If I ever see you near me or any of my family I'm gonna scatter your brains from here to White Plains, sweetheart.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Now you listen good, yo-yo. Because I'm gonna tell you something for every cop that's ever had to live under a threat from a punk like you. You know, maybe sometime when you're an old man, you'll be thinking about getting out. Ah, don't think anything about getting even. I want you to think about me. Because, if by some remote possibility you get out, there's gonna be a little 150-year old man waiting for you. And that little old man will be me.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Now look, two things I want you to remember, kiddo. Number one: you're marrying my favorite niece.
- Eugene: Right.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: And number two: my favorite niece's favorite uncle is a cop.
- Eugene: Hey, I won't forget that, sir.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Yeah, 'sir'. You can cool the 'sir', because next week at this time, you'll be crying uncle. Get used to it, 'cause that's what you'll be calling me.
- Det. Bobby Crocker: [shouting at Ibbotson] We'll have you back inside so fast, your underwear will have to take the next train!
- Sophie: [on phone] Theo? This is Sophie. Yeah, the nerve-wracked mother.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: [on other line] Yeah Sophie, what is it?
- Sophie: What it is, is a rehearsal in an hour. You coming?
- Lt. Theo Kojak: This afternoon? Hey look, if they can pretend they're getting married, can't they pretend I'm there?