- Hank Hill: How is it that you know so much about golf?
- Bobby Hill: I've seen Happy Gilmore about 50 times.
- Hank Hill: I hate Adam Sandler.
- Dale Gribble: [after feeding Chip Block into the wood chipper] You'll never put that creep back together. I mixed him in with 2 chairs and a toboggan.
- Hank Hill: [sighs after finding Bobby with the ventriloquist dummy] My son is playing with dolls, there I said it
- Dale Gribble: He's a sissy, there I said that!
- Bobby Hill: I don't know, Dad. Short pants don't really belong on a football field.
- Hank Hill: That's OK. You don't, either.