Keeping Up Appearances (TV Series)

Let There Be Light (1993)

Geoffrey Hughes: Onslow

Quotes 

• Daisy : Why don't we have a second honeymoon?

  Onslow : I remember what happened the first time.

  Daisy : Me too. I remember what happened the first time.

  Onslow : We argued the all the time.

  Daisy : Not all the time

  Onslow : Nearly all the time. I couldn't get over that confession of yours!

  Daisy : Well, I thought it was only proper. If we were starting married life, we shouldn't have any secrets.

  Onslow : But what a time to spring it on a bloke. On his wedding night! I barely got started on all your new underwear and then you told me.

  Daisy : I thought it was a bit much, you getting straight up and going out for a long walk.

  Onslow : I had to think about things. I had to decide if I could live with it.

  Daisy : I can't think what was so bad about it!

  Onslow : You should have come clean about it before we got married.

  Daisy : You wouldn't have married me.

  Onslow : You were lucky I didn't divorce you.

  Daisy : It's not grounds for divorce.

  Onslow : Being a Liverpool supporter!

• Daisy : [watching Daddy patrol the house]  We're gonna have to do something about father. Onslow, bring him inside.

  Onslow : Leave him where he is. Let's see if the rent man can get past that!

• Onslow : I'm glad you're here, Vicar. When you've got a moment, can I have a word with you about exorcising somebody?

  Michael the Vicar : Not...!

  Onslow : No, no, Not her.

• Rose : Father thinks he's back in the war. He's started talking to his old Colonel again.

  Daisy : Colonel Dawlish?

  Onslow : He's been dead 30 years!

  Daisy : Go and see him, Onslow, before he starts digging trenches again.

  Rose : The state that garden's in, somebody ought to dig it.

  Daisy : Not four foot deep!

• [last lines] 

  Emmet : There you are, Richard! I've only just heard that you've been very busy mending the electrics. How's it going?

  Richard : I'm finished, now.

  Emmet : Hidden talents, eh? You're a dark horse, Richard!

  Richard : Well, you know how it is.

  [grabs the switch] 

  Richard : Now, is everybody ready?

  Michael the Vicar : This is like the switch on in Regent Street at Christmas!

  Onslow : Hang on. Let's do it properly. We ought to have a countdown.

  Emmet : Good idea! Ten...

  Emmet , Onslow , Michael the Vicar : Nine... eight... seven... six... five...!

  [Richard throws the switch and every electrical fixture in the church hall blows up. Daddy evacuates everybody as the front door of the church hall is blasted open, and Hyacinth runs to Richard] 

  Hyacinth : Richard! What's happened?

  Richard : I think I'm better with Christmas tree lights!