Maya Gallo: There are plenty of good schools.
Jack Gallo: I don't want a good school for Hannah. I want the best school, and I can make this happen. I am the Can Do King.
Maya Gallo: Says who?
Jack Gallo: This mug.
[lifts mug that says "Can Do King"]
Maya Gallo: Well, I can't argue with you there, even if I am the World's Greatest Golfer.
[drinks from mug that says "World's Greatest Golfer"]
[Elliot and Nina are listening to a Cholera Joe record]
Elliot DiMauro: Isn't it amazing how his voice just sucks you right into his world of despair?
Dennis Finch: You lost me right after sucks.
Elliot DiMauro: I have every album Cholera Joe ever made, even his unfinished one, "Don't Need No Doctor."
Jack Gallo: I must have some connections. Woodbridge. Woodbridge. Who do I know went to Woodbridge?
Maya Gallo: Uh, me? I went to Woodbridge.
Jack Gallo: That can't be right, I would have remembered. There would have been plays and recitals... oh.
Dennis Finch: Those of you on the left side of the tram may want to take out your cameras for this awkward family moment.
Dennis Finch: [answers phone] Jack Gallo's office. Where are you? What are you wearing? Oh, ho-ho!
Dennis Finch: It's your wife.
Nina Van Horn: You know, I used to date a hockey player.
Elliot DiMauro: Is there any sport where you haven't slept with one of the players?
Nina Van Horn: Of course.
Dennis Finch: Not counting figure skating.
Nina Van Horn: Well, then no.
Elliot DiMauro: Check this out. Cholera Joe's classic, "Pebble in My One Good Shoe."
Nina Van Horn: This was the last time he sang with a tooth.
Nina Van Horn: I can't believe we're talking to the woman who inspired "Chin Hair Mama."
Dennis Finch: Yeah, you go with her. But don't come crawling back to me, 'cause if you do... I'll still be here.
Jack Gallo: I'm entering everyone's birthdays into my computer. Maya, when's yours?
Maya Gallo: You're kidding, right?
Jack Gallo: It's just that you have one of those birthdays that's hard to remember.
Maya Gallo: January first?
Dennis Finch: Mind if I wait in here? Some fifth graders were picking on me.
Jack Gallo: I need you to come to Woodbridge with me, to tell them what a great father I am.
Maya Gallo: Oh, you want me to lie.
Jack Gallo: Not lie, just have some fun with the truth.
Maya Gallo: I can have fun with the truth. I used to be good at having fun with the truth. Like when you didn't come to my sweet sixteen party, I told my friends that you were donating a kidney.
Jack Gallo: I'm a giver.
Maya Gallo: And when you weren't there when I had the lead role in Oklahoma, I told them you were in an avalanche.
Jack Gallo: My worst nightmare.
Maya Gallo: And when you weren't at my high school graduation, I told everyone you were hunting Nazis in Argentina.
Jack Gallo: I hate Nazis. Always have.
Maya Gallo: And then there was the time I realized everyone knew I was lying, and that's when having fun with the truth stopped being fun.
Jack Gallo: Please, don't do it for me. Do it for Hannah.
[speaks in high-pitched voice while holding picture of Hannah]
Jack Gallo: Pwease, big sister. I wanna go to the good school.
Maya Gallo: Fine, I'll do it. But that is the most annoying voice I have ever heard.
[opens door, the screeching sound of Cholera Joe Hopper singing is playing outside]