- Nina Van Horn: Check out the guy getting off the elevator.
- Maya Gallo: Who is he?
- Nina Van Horn: Well, judging from the T-shirt, he's either a fireman or someone hired a stripper.
- Maya Gallo: He's not a stripper. He's a fireman, a real American hero.
- Nina Van Horn: I don't like what you're implying about strippers.
- Elliot DiMauro: [as Dennis puts a donut in Jack's diet food] What are you doing?
- Dennis Finch: Fortifying his diet with a little vitamin Finch.
- Elliot DiMauro: Jack's not going to believe that donut is diet.
- Dennis Finch: That's where you're wrong, my friend. People will believe anything, no matter how cuckoo it is, as long as it's what they want to believe.
- Elliot DiMauro: Like how we got you to believe that the white Miata was a cool guy car?
- Dennis Finch: Doesn't matter. Traded it in for a sweet Cabriolet.
- Dennis Finch: Nina, your rock star boyfriend is on his way up to see you.
- Nina Van Horn: Ah, Simon. That man makes me feel like a schoolgirl.
- Dennis Finch: Well, I don't see you naked and a satisfied school band.
- Nina Van Horn: Said the man who went to the junior prom with the lunch lady.
- Dennis Finch: Bertha Robinson was a handsome older woman. And she made a dynamite sloppy joe.
- Simon Leeds: If people want to see me doing something lewd and disgusting, I want them to see me doing it to you.
- Nina Van Horn: You had sex.
- Maya Gallo: How... how did you know?
- Nina Van Horn: I know your cycle. Every twelve months you have sex. Which reminds me, I have to set my clock. Maya on her back, spring forward.
- Simon Leeds: [On being photographed with another woman] It's just to hype my new album. I have to protect my image as someone who rogers anything that moves.
- Simon Leeds: Ready for lunch?
- Nina Van Horn: How about if I roll up this newspaper and hit you over the head with it?
- Simon Leeds: Sounds hot. Shall we go to your office?
- Elliot DiMauro: You are such a loser.
- Dennis Finch: Elle McPherson called you.
- Elliot DiMauro: Oh, my God! I forgot to feed her goldfish!