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(TV Series)

(2001)

Quotes

Maya Gallo: I had no idea finding an assistant was so hard.

Jack Gallo: Be patient. The right one will never let you down. It may even become your best friend.

Maya Gallo: Dad, "it" is standing right there.

Jack Gallo: Oh, right. Sorry.

Dennis Finch: That's all right. "It" just got goosebumps.

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Nina Van Horn: I can put an end to this discussion if you agree to hire a man. This man.

[pulls out a photo]

Nina Van Horn: His name is Nacho. He works at my dry cleaners, but he wants to be an actor.

Maya Gallo: [gives photo back] Just let me know when Amy comes in.

Nina Van Horn: Hey, he can lick his own eyebrows!

Dennis Finch: Here, let me see that. Hey, I've seen this dude in a movie. A movie with all dudes.

Nina Van Horn: And why were you watching it?

Dennis Finch: I test myself once a year. I was A-OK.

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Dennis Finch: I'd like to be that coffee mug, That way she would have her lips all over me.

Kevin Liotta: I'd like to be that spoon, so that she could pick me up by my ankles and dip me in steaming hot coffee.

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Nina Van Horn: Oh, Maya. Your brain is thicker than a milkshake but not nearly as delicious.

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Kevin Liotta: I have butterflies in my stomach.

Elliot DiMauro: Kevin, that's just nerves.

Kevin Liotta: No, they're real butterflies. Long story.

Elliot DiMauro: I'd save that story for your second date.

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Dennis Finch: Are you game, baby? 'Cause I'm gamey, Amy.

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Nina Van Horn: Blush magazine is like an aquarium, where fish get together to put out a magazine.

Maya Gallo: Listen, I have some stuff to do...

Nina Van Horn: Just hear me out. Now in this aquarium, there are many, many different kinds of fish. There's the little goldfish like Finch; The huge octopus, which is Jack; the beautiful starfish, that would be yours truly; and the crusty barnacle, such as yourself.

Maya Gallo: What?

Nina Van Horn: Okay, you can be a sand worm. The point is, you bringing Amy was like bringing a black widow into our little aquarium.

Maya Gallo: That's not even a fish!

Nina Van Horn: Exactly! So what is she doing here?

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Nina Van Horn: Fire her, before she fires you.

Maya Gallo: I don't think she can do that.

Nina Van Horn: Maya, she threw her soda can in the trash. Not the recycling bin, the trash.

Maya Gallo: She is toast!

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Maya Gallo: I'd like to give you a parting gift, it's called advice. At your next job, stay quiet, do your work, and keep the balloons under the big top.

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Jack Gallo: [catches the guys looking at Amy] Need I remind you that this is a place of business? At least hold some work in front of you so that it looks like you're doing something. Buzz me if she takes off the jacket.

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Elliot DiMauro: You know, Kevin, I know a lot of women. I can hook you up.

Kevin Liotta: Look, if this is a joke, it could end badly for you.

Elliot DiMauro: No, I mean it. I can help you out.

Kevin Liotta: We are talking about girls, right? I mean, you're not going to "helping me out."

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Nina Van Horn: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was standing in the office of Wimpy McDonothing, vice-president of being crapped on.

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Nina Van Horn: I know why you're not threatened by her. Her breasts are not bigger than yours. Well, she's young. They could still be growing.

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Maya Gallo: I remember my first boss. Mr. Finkle. He was quite a boss. We used to call him Mr. Stinkle.

Amy Watson: Did he smell bad?

Maya Gallo: No, that was the thing. He was completely odorless.

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Kevin Liotta: You pick the movie. Just nothing where the animals talk like people. That always freaks me out.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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