Maya Gallo: I had no idea finding an assistant was so hard.
Jack Gallo: Be patient. The right one will never let you down. It may even become your best friend.
Maya Gallo: Dad, "it" is standing right there.
Jack Gallo: Oh, right. Sorry.
Dennis Finch: That's all right. "It" just got goosebumps.
Nina Van Horn: I can put an end to this discussion if you agree to hire a man. This man.
[pulls out a photo]
Nina Van Horn: His name is Nacho. He works at my dry cleaners, but he wants to be an actor.
Maya Gallo: [gives photo back] Just let me know when Amy comes in.
Nina Van Horn: Hey, he can lick his own eyebrows!
Dennis Finch: Here, let me see that. Hey, I've seen this dude in a movie. A movie with all dudes.
Nina Van Horn: And why were you watching it?
Dennis Finch: I test myself once a year. I was A-OK.
Dennis Finch: I'd like to be that coffee mug, That way she would have her lips all over me.
Kevin Liotta: I'd like to be that spoon, so that she could pick me up by my ankles and dip me in steaming hot coffee.
Nina Van Horn: Oh, Maya. Your brain is thicker than a milkshake but not nearly as delicious.
Kevin Liotta: I have butterflies in my stomach.
Elliot DiMauro: Kevin, that's just nerves.
Kevin Liotta: No, they're real butterflies. Long story.
Elliot DiMauro: I'd save that story for your second date.
Nina Van Horn: Blush magazine is like an aquarium, where fish get together to put out a magazine.
Maya Gallo: Listen, I have some stuff to do...
Nina Van Horn: Just hear me out. Now in this aquarium, there are many, many different kinds of fish. There's the little goldfish like Finch; The huge octopus, which is Jack; the beautiful starfish, that would be yours truly; and the crusty barnacle, such as yourself.
Maya Gallo: What?
Nina Van Horn: Okay, you can be a sand worm. The point is, you bringing Amy was like bringing a black widow into our little aquarium.
Maya Gallo: That's not even a fish!
Nina Van Horn: Exactly! So what is she doing here?
Nina Van Horn: Fire her, before she fires you.
Maya Gallo: I don't think she can do that.
Nina Van Horn: Maya, she threw her soda can in the trash. Not the recycling bin, the trash.
Maya Gallo: She is toast!
Maya Gallo: I'd like to give you a parting gift, it's called advice. At your next job, stay quiet, do your work, and keep the balloons under the big top.
Jack Gallo: [catches the guys looking at Amy] Need I remind you that this is a place of business? At least hold some work in front of you so that it looks like you're doing something. Buzz me if she takes off the jacket.
Elliot DiMauro: You know, Kevin, I know a lot of women. I can hook you up.
Kevin Liotta: Look, if this is a joke, it could end badly for you.
Elliot DiMauro: No, I mean it. I can help you out.
Kevin Liotta: We are talking about girls, right? I mean, you're not going to "helping me out."
Nina Van Horn: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was standing in the office of Wimpy McDonothing, vice-president of being crapped on.
Nina Van Horn: I know why you're not threatened by her. Her breasts are not bigger than yours. Well, she's young. They could still be growing.
Maya Gallo: I remember my first boss. Mr. Finkle. He was quite a boss. We used to call him Mr. Stinkle.
Amy Watson: Did he smell bad?
Maya Gallo: No, that was the thing. He was completely odorless.