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(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Jack Gallo: You're a deal maker now. Everything you do must say, "Here I am. I am powerful. I am important."

Maya Gallo: Hey, isn't that your ex-wife?

Jack Gallo: Hide.

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Nina Van Horn: I have to go to Paris.

Elliot DiMauro: Why?

Nina Van Horn: Why? I'm the fashion editor, and Paris is the fashion capital. Besides, there's something in Jim Morrison's grave I need to get back.

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Elliot DiMauro: What, you mean you want us to pretend that Jack's here and drive Nina crazy... oh, you are delightfully evil.

Dennis Finch: Yes. Won't you join me?

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Jack Gallo: I can't believe I'm paying alimony just so she can spend it on that dog.

Ernesto: You know what his name is? Jack. Guess why?

Jack Gallo: Because you had him castrated too?

Roberta: No, because he humps everything that moves.

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Nina Van Horn: Are you any good at practical jokes?

Kevin Liotta: Well, I've been in a bunch.

Nina Van Horn: Good. You're going to help me pull a joke on them.

Kevin Liotta: But those guys are my friends.

[Nina lowers her shoulder strap]

Kevin Liotta: You want me to throw them off the building?

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Jack Gallo: People, Maya and I are going to Paris for a big take over deal, but it's top secret, so no questions.

Elliot DiMauro: What are you taking over?

Jack Gallo: A hot French fashion magazine called Jolie. We're buying it cheap, firing the staff and turning it into French Blush, but that's all I'm telling you.

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Kevin Liotta: Hi, Nina. You look really pretty today.

Nina Van Horn: That's sweet. And you are?

Kevin Liotta: I'm Kevin. I've worked here for three years? I bring you your mail every day? I said "hi, I'm Kevin" at you at the Christmas party and gave you the watch your wearing right now?

Nina Van Horn: Oh, well. It doesn't matter.

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Elliot DiMauro: Don't you think we're being too mean?

Dennis Finch: Too mean? That's like saying the internet has too much porno. It doesn't.

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Elliot DiMauro: [pretending Jack is in his office, angry] He only ate half his donut.

Nina Van Horn: But Jack always finishes his donut. Maybe it's his second one.

Dennis Finch: The point is, he put one down.

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Passenger: [Jack and Roberta come out of the airplane bathroom] Congratulations. You've just joined the mile high club.

Jack Gallo: Watch your mouth, buddy. We were just talking. And FYI, I've been a member since '63.

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Maya Gallo: I feel guilty flying first class.

Jack Gallo: What's the alternative?

Maya Gallo: Coach?

Jack Gallo: Ha!... Oh, you're serious.

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Kevin Liotta: You have some voice mail.

Nina Van Horn: Well, put it on my desk.

Kevin Liotta: No, I mean your phone is blinking.

Nina Van Horn: Of course it's blinking. That's how you know it's plugged in.

[Kevin pushes a button on the phone]

Answering machine: You have eight hundred and fifty seven messages.

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Elliot DiMauro: Nina wants to tell Jack she's not going to live in fear anymore.

Nina Van Horn: Not true, Jack! I find it exhilarating!

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Nina Van Horn: [Kevin has doctored a recording of Jack's messages] Perfect. Now all we need is to build a realistic Jack puppet, put a tape recorder in his mouth, and lower it into his office.

Kevin Liotta: Uh, I was thinking we could just pretend he's calling on the phone.

Nina Van Horn: Hmm. Two equally brilliant plans. What to do? What to do?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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