Jack Gallo: You're a deal maker now. Everything you do must say, "Here I am. I am powerful. I am important."
Maya Gallo: Hey, isn't that your ex-wife?
Jack Gallo: Hide.
Nina Van Horn: I have to go to Paris.
Elliot DiMauro: Why?
Nina Van Horn: Why? I'm the fashion editor, and Paris is the fashion capital. Besides, there's something in Jim Morrison's grave I need to get back.
Elliot DiMauro: What, you mean you want us to pretend that Jack's here and drive Nina crazy... oh, you are delightfully evil.
Dennis Finch: Yes. Won't you join me?
Jack Gallo: I can't believe I'm paying alimony just so she can spend it on that dog.
Ernesto: You know what his name is? Jack. Guess why?
Jack Gallo: Because you had him castrated too?
Roberta: No, because he humps everything that moves.
Nina Van Horn: Are you any good at practical jokes?
Kevin Liotta: Well, I've been in a bunch.
Nina Van Horn: Good. You're going to help me pull a joke on them.
Kevin Liotta: But those guys are my friends.
[Nina lowers her shoulder strap]
Kevin Liotta: You want me to throw them off the building?
Jack Gallo: People, Maya and I are going to Paris for a big take over deal, but it's top secret, so no questions.
Elliot DiMauro: What are you taking over?
Jack Gallo: A hot French fashion magazine called Jolie. We're buying it cheap, firing the staff and turning it into French Blush, but that's all I'm telling you.
Kevin Liotta: Hi, Nina. You look really pretty today.
Nina Van Horn: That's sweet. And you are?
Kevin Liotta: I'm Kevin. I've worked here for three years? I bring you your mail every day? I said "hi, I'm Kevin" at you at the Christmas party and gave you the watch your wearing right now?
Nina Van Horn: Oh, well. It doesn't matter.
Elliot DiMauro: Don't you think we're being too mean?
Dennis Finch: Too mean? That's like saying the internet has too much porno. It doesn't.
Elliot DiMauro: [pretending Jack is in his office, angry] He only ate half his donut.
Nina Van Horn: But Jack always finishes his donut. Maybe it's his second one.
Dennis Finch: The point is, he put one down.
Passenger: [Jack and Roberta come out of the airplane bathroom] Congratulations. You've just joined the mile high club.
Jack Gallo: Watch your mouth, buddy. We were just talking. And FYI, I've been a member since '63.
Maya Gallo: I feel guilty flying first class.
Jack Gallo: What's the alternative?
Maya Gallo: Coach?
Jack Gallo: Ha!... Oh, you're serious.
Kevin Liotta: You have some voice mail.
Nina Van Horn: Well, put it on my desk.
Kevin Liotta: No, I mean your phone is blinking.
Nina Van Horn: Of course it's blinking. That's how you know it's plugged in.
[Kevin pushes a button on the phone]
Answering machine: You have eight hundred and fifty seven messages.
Elliot DiMauro: Nina wants to tell Jack she's not going to live in fear anymore.
Nina Van Horn: Not true, Jack! I find it exhilarating!
Nina Van Horn: [Kevin has doctored a recording of Jack's messages] Perfect. Now all we need is to build a realistic Jack puppet, put a tape recorder in his mouth, and lower it into his office.
Kevin Liotta: Uh, I was thinking we could just pretend he's calling on the phone.
Nina Van Horn: Hmm. Two equally brilliant plans. What to do? What to do?