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"Just Shoot Me!" Jesus, It's Christmas (TV Episode 1997) Poster

Quotes

Elliot DiMauro: No way. Last time I took you on a photo shoot with me, you walked in on Kate Moss taking a shower.

Dennis Finch: It was an innocent mistake. I was trying to walk in on Elle McPherson.

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Nina Van Horn: [pulls a gun on some carolers in the elevator] All right, one more fa-la-la and Tiny Tim gets it in the good leg.

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Nina Van Horn: Elliot, bad news. You're not going to the Caribbean.

Elliot DiMauro: What happened?

Nina Van Horn: The models all got food poisoning at the Mizrahi show.

Elliot DiMauro: What, all five of them?

Nina Van Horn: Apparently, they shared a bad shrimp.

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Dennis Finch: D. Finch reporting for booty.

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Maya Gallo: What about you?

Jesus Santos: Me? I'm working hard for the American Dream.

Maya Gallo: Oh, what's that?

Jesus Santos: To open my own smoothie bar. Jesus's Juices.

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Elliot DiMauro: That's it! Shoot's canceled!

Nina Van Horn: What is the problem?

Elliot DiMauro: I can't find my lens!

Nina Van Horn: Don't you have, like, thirty of them?

Dennis Finch: Yes, but they're not all his lucky thong lens.

Nina Van Horn: Lucky thong lens?

Elliot DiMauro: Eight years ago I was doing my first swimsuit photo shoot on St. Tropez, and from the moment I arrived none of my shots were coming out right. I thought my carrer was over. As I walked back to the hotel, this local boy runs up and stuffs something in my pocket. I looked down, and it was this lens, this perfect lens. But when I looked up, the boy had vanished, and in his place... a white dove!

Nina Van Horn: Oh, I get it. They have mushrooms in St. Tropez.

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Dennis Finch: I have a weird feeling that if I were to go to the Caribbean with you and some hot models, all your stuff would just turn up.

Elliot DiMauro: Oh? Well, I have a weird feeling that if I jam my fist down your throat, I might find your spleen.

Dennis Finch: Yeah, but you won't find your lens.

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Jack Gallo: No presents for Christmas? That's like Easter without high-stakes poker.

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Maya Gallo: I think we should give the money to Jesus, the night custodian.

Jack Gallo: I know him. He's a nice guy.

Maya Gallo: You know Jesus?

Jack Gallo: Don't be so surprised. I have a rapport with the night cleaning staff.

Dennis Finch: If by rapport you mean that point-wink thing you do, then yes, you is down with the crew.

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Dennis Finch: [on phone] Of course it's a round trip. Have you ever been to Albany?

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Jesus Santos: Maya. Centuries ago, the Maya raped and pillaged my people, but I am sure you are nice.

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Nina Van Horn: I really think that money should go to my Kenny. He's a member of an oppressed minority.

Dennis Finch: Who, the trouserly challenged?

Nina Van Horn: He has brown eyes. They did a study, and it turns out blue-eyed dancers make far more money.

Jack Gallo: Who did a study?

Nina Van Horn: Me and my friend Binnie.

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Dennis Finch: It looks like a photo of someone's hand dangling your lucky lens over a toilet. What kind of devious bastard would do such a thing?

Elliot DiMauro: That's your watch.

Dennis Finch: You're right. That son of a bitch has my watch!

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Jesus Santos: Here, a silver rose. The rose because it is beautiful, and silver because it is very expensive.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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