Elliot DiMauro: No way. Last time I took you on a photo shoot with me, you walked in on Kate Moss taking a shower.
Dennis Finch: It was an innocent mistake. I was trying to walk in on Elle McPherson.
Nina Van Horn: [pulls a gun on some carolers in the elevator] All right, one more fa-la-la and Tiny Tim gets it in the good leg.
Nina Van Horn: Elliot, bad news. You're not going to the Caribbean.
Elliot DiMauro: What happened?
Nina Van Horn: The models all got food poisoning at the Mizrahi show.
Elliot DiMauro: What, all five of them?
Nina Van Horn: Apparently, they shared a bad shrimp.
Maya Gallo: What about you?
Jesus Santos: Me? I'm working hard for the American Dream.
Maya Gallo: Oh, what's that?
Jesus Santos: To open my own smoothie bar. Jesus's Juices.
Elliot DiMauro: That's it! Shoot's canceled!
Nina Van Horn: What is the problem?
Elliot DiMauro: I can't find my lens!
Nina Van Horn: Don't you have, like, thirty of them?
Dennis Finch: Yes, but they're not all his lucky thong lens.
Nina Van Horn: Lucky thong lens?
Elliot DiMauro: Eight years ago I was doing my first swimsuit photo shoot on St. Tropez, and from the moment I arrived none of my shots were coming out right. I thought my carrer was over. As I walked back to the hotel, this local boy runs up and stuffs something in my pocket. I looked down, and it was this lens, this perfect lens. But when I looked up, the boy had vanished, and in his place... a white dove!
Nina Van Horn: Oh, I get it. They have mushrooms in St. Tropez.
Dennis Finch: I have a weird feeling that if I were to go to the Caribbean with you and some hot models, all your stuff would just turn up.
Elliot DiMauro: Oh? Well, I have a weird feeling that if I jam my fist down your throat, I might find your spleen.
Dennis Finch: Yeah, but you won't find your lens.
Jack Gallo: No presents for Christmas? That's like Easter without high-stakes poker.
Maya Gallo: I think we should give the money to Jesus, the night custodian.
Jack Gallo: I know him. He's a nice guy.
Maya Gallo: You know Jesus?
Jack Gallo: Don't be so surprised. I have a rapport with the night cleaning staff.
Dennis Finch: If by rapport you mean that point-wink thing you do, then yes, you is down with the crew.
Dennis Finch: [on phone] Of course it's a round trip. Have you ever been to Albany?
Jesus Santos: Maya. Centuries ago, the Maya raped and pillaged my people, but I am sure you are nice.
Nina Van Horn: I really think that money should go to my Kenny. He's a member of an oppressed minority.
Dennis Finch: Who, the trouserly challenged?
Nina Van Horn: He has brown eyes. They did a study, and it turns out blue-eyed dancers make far more money.
Jack Gallo: Who did a study?
Nina Van Horn: Me and my friend Binnie.
Dennis Finch: It looks like a photo of someone's hand dangling your lucky lens over a toilet. What kind of devious bastard would do such a thing?
Elliot DiMauro: That's your watch.
Dennis Finch: You're right. That son of a bitch has my watch!