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(TV Series)

(1998)

Quotes

Dennis: You couldn't score in a monkey whorehouse with a bag of bananas.

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Nina: As fashion editor it's my job to look good. As a Keebler elf, it's your job to make delicious little cookies.

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Maya: Don't worry about it. I mean, everyone's yearbook photo is a little embarra... Oh, my God! You were a little fatty.

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Maya: So, the truth finally comes out. The legendary Elliot DiMauro was once a nerd.

Elliot: No, I wasn't.

Maya: Nerd!

Elliot: Ha, that's very funny.

Maya: Nerd!

Elliot: That's not funny.

Maya: Nerd!

Elliot: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Would a nerd bring a supermodel to a funeral in a stretch limo with four-hundred roses shaped in a giant tear?

Maya: No, but the nerd king might.

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Jack: Dennis, I see this magazine as my castle, and you are, for lack of a better word, my gargoyle.

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Elliot: I can't decide which one to take to the Hamptons. Leone has perfect legs, but Trisha has perfect breasts.

Maya: What a coincidence. You're a perfect ass.

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Dennis: Good morning. Hmm, tension in the air. Let me guess: Mr. Love Machine here was going yappity-wappity about getting it on with the ladies. And Mother Superior was all, "What a pig!" And you were all, "But me likie them women." And you were all, "Boo-hoo-hoo! What about our brains?"

Maya: Finch, do you want to get smacked?

Dennis: Kinda. I'm not proud of it.

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Jack: People don't respect me because I'm the boss. It's getting respect that's made me the boss.

Dennis: Ah, I see.

[moves away a bottle of scotch]

Dennis: No more for you.

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[Elliot has a zit on his nose]

Maya: Whoa, Krakatoa!

Elliot: It's just a little blemish.

Jack: It's like an escape hatch for your brain.

Nina: [just coming in] So sorry about your pimple, Elliot.

Elliot: How did you know?

Nina: I saw it as you got out of the cab. I mean, we're only nineteen floors up.

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Elliot: I'm going to that memorial service to inform the citizens of Loserville, New Jersey that their top export is Elliot DiMauro.

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Maya: Who was Mr. Farrel?

Elliot: He was my high school coach. We used to call him Farrel the Ferret.

Maya: Why did you call him that?

Elliot: You know, because he was a big man.

Maya: Why didn't you call him Farrel the Barrel?

Elliot: People weren't that clever in my town. When the train went by, everyone would clap.

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Elliot: Nina, I need your help. I need a suit to wear to a memorial service.

Nina: What do you want the suit to say?

Elliot: I want it to say that I'll be sad for an hour, but on the way back, I'm having sex on a limo.

Nina: Hugo Boss, charcoal grey. It's what my tennis instructor wore to my second husband's funeral.

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Jack: Maya, what's more important to a bird? That it has wings or that it has the confidence to fly?

Maya: Uh... Wings?

Jack: Wrong. Witness the penguin, a flightless bird. Do you know why penguins can't fly?

Maya: Because its wings can't support its body mass?

Jack: Maya, there was a time when penguins filled the sky, until the day their confidence was shattered, and they never flew again.

Maya: Ah, I see.

[takes away scotch bottle]

Maya: No more for you.

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Dennis: [reading from Elliot's yearbook] Captain of the chess club. Ha ha ha!

Maya: I'm surprised you weren't in the marching band.

Dennis: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Were you ever invited to play the Gator Bowl? I didn't think so.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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