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Quotes

Jack Gallo: Dennis, get me a bodyguard.

Elliot DiMauro: Here. Strong enough for a man.

Jack Gallo: I mean a real bodyguard.

Elliot DiMauro: Are you in any danger?

Jack Gallo: These are very violent times, and a man in my position needs to be careful.

Maya Gallo: Did Trump get one?

Jack Gallo: With an earpiece and a big old gun.

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Nina Van Horn: Sorry I'm late. I didn't hear my alarm go off.

Maya Gallo: Why not?

Nina Van Horn: I was locked in a self storage facility in Yonkers.

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Jack Gallo: Boys, God may be on his side, but Lady Luck is my bitch.

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Dean Logan: My mother tells me times are tough in the old hometown. First the private prison went belly up, then the slaughterhouse. If the toxic waste dump closes, there'll be no reason for the young people to stay.

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Jack Gallo: I'm using my famous charm and disarm strategy.

Elliot DiMauro: What's that?

Jack Gallo: Remember when you came in asking for a raise and ended up babysitting for me the whole weekend?

Elliot DiMauro: Yeah... Oh. Hey!

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Wanda: I'm afraid there is nothing more I can teach you.

Dennis Finch: But it's been only one day.

Wanda: A day I will never forget.

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Dennis Finch: I happen to have lighting fast reflexes.

Elliot DiMauro: Really?

Dennis Finch: Try to take these keys out of my...

[Elliot takes keys]

Dennis Finch: I didn't say go!

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Dean Logan: You have 24 hours to agree to my terms.

Jack Gallo: Good. That gives me more time to come up with more naughty headlines. How about this one? Ten hot tips for sexy nudie sex sex!

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Nina Van Horn: Citizens for Morality. Isn't that the group that got Cosmo banned from Gelman's?

Jack Gallo: That's right. How did you know?

Nina Van Horn: I read about it in the newspaper.

Jack Gallo: Were you wrapping something?

Nina Van Horn: I was reading the paper, Jack.

Jack Gallo: Why?

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Dean Logan: So, Claire...

Nina Van Horn: It's Nina Van Horn now. I pushed Claire down a well and shaved eight years off her life.

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Maya Gallo: All my feminist friends agree that the covers for Blush are sexist.

Elliot DiMauro: Are these the same friends who thing all intercourse is an act of violence?

Maya Gallo: Jan and Gertie, yes.

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Dean Logan: I'm not against sex, but there is a time and a place for everything. I mean, you wouldn't do it in a crowded subway train, would you?

Nina Van Horn: Oh, no. Not again. I learned my lesson.

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Dennis Finch: I'll be your bodyguard.

[all laugh]

Dennis Finch: I'm serious. There are bodyguard schools.

[laugh some more]

Jack Gallo: See, he starts a joke, then he builds on it.

Dennis Finch: Yeah. See what I did there? Pretty sweet.

Elliot DiMauro: How about this? Let me be your bodyguard!

Jack Gallo: See, it's funny when Dennis does it 'cause he's scrawny.

Elliot DiMauro: But I said it with a funny voice.

Maya Gallo: Honey, let it go.

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Nina Van Horn: I'll debate him on the issues. I'll just have to read up on my Fifth Amendment.

Jack Gallo: First Amendment.

Nina Van Horn: Good idea. Start with the easy ones then work my way up.

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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