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"Joan of Arcadia" The Fire and the Wood (TV Episode 2003) Poster

Quotes

Adam: Headline: Adam Rove meets the, uh, chief of police.

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Adam: Well, nice work, Jane.

[he leaves, Helen looks at Joan]

Joan: He calls me Jane sometimes when he forgets that my name is Joan.

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Joan: So, my true nature is to be a catalyst? That is mad anti-climatic.

Electrician God: Anti climactic. Anti-climatic means you're against the weather.

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Adam: I talk to angels.

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Electrician God: Are you looking for me?

Joan: Um, I'm not sure.

Electrician God: 'Cause when you're alone, that hideous Titanic song makes you cry.

Joan: Why do you have to be so mean?

Electrician God: Why do you have to keep questioning me? Most people would be on their best behavior.

Joan: Okay, look, whatever. I was thinking about what you said when I asked you to cure Kevin. How it would show favoritism and that I'm an instrument of God. Then I realized, you want me to become a scientist, so I can discover a cure for Kevin.

Electrician God: Newsflash, Joan: you don't need to let me in on your thinking process, I'm omniscient.

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Linesman God: Stop underachieving. Stop squandering the potential I gave you. Have some pride.

Joan: What about humility?

Linesman God: Humility isn't actually humility unless there's something you're good enough at to be humble about.

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[the previous night God had appeared on TV and Joan's father turned off the TV]

Linesman God: Hey kid, it's me. You need proof? Fine. Sometimes you like to practice french kissing yourself in the mirror.

Joan: Why do you have to be so mean? Look, that was my Dad who turned you off last night, so if there's some kind of penalty, then I think...

Linesman God: Fine. He shall spend all of eternity burning in hell.

Joan: No, no, no, no, my dad's a really great guy.

Linesman God: I'm kidding. There's no penalty for turning me off. Hey, just because I speak doesn't mean anyone has to listen.

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Gavin Price: [walking Adam out of his office] First thing every morning you report to me, got it?

Adam: Uh-huh.

Gavin Price: I may not be able to stop you from getting high away from school, but you are mine between 8 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon.

Adam: OK, Mr. Price.

Gavin Price: If I even suspect that you are under the influence of drugs, what will happen?

Adam: You'll urine-test me.

Gavin Price: For your own good.

Adam: And call the cops.

Gavin Price: Mm-hm.

Adam: Ruin my life.

Gavin Price: All for your own good.

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Luke: [about the one nice thing he did that day] I didn't laugh when Joan was introduced to my AP chem class.

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Little Girl God: You'd like to give me a slap, wouldn't you?

Joan: Yeah... but you're so cute.

Little Girl God: By the way, as an instrument of Me, have some pride. Do better. Do your best.

Joan: Now I'd like to slap you.

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Joan: ...Oh, God.

Electrician God: Yes?

Joan: No, I was taking your name in vain, to be technical. Sorry.

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Joan: Don't you have any friends that you could walk to school with?

Luke: Don't worry, they'll think I'm cool stylin' with my big sister. Oh, wait, you're worried that one of your friends will see us together... Oh, wait a minute, you don't have any friends.

Joan: And ironically you're still cramping my style.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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