- Joan: How do you deal with your dad being all into God?
- Grace Polk: Sometimes I hide his yarmulke and watch him freak.
- Joan: [to God] Look, it's over, okay? You're just going to have to adjust to that. Call up a friend and bitch about me on the phone if you need to, but you have to find someone else!
- Joan: [as the paramedics work on Judith, Joan sees Cute Boy God walking towards her] Why are you letting this happen? Do something!
- Cute Boy God: Keep your eyes open. It's all I asked.
- [He walks away from her]
- Joan: You're blaming me for this? No way are you blaming me!
- Joan: So, um, what are you looking for?
- Kevin Girardi: [finding an old yearbook] This.
- Joan: Cutting out pictures of Andy?
- Kevin Girardi: I just need to see him. I need to see who the hell my best friend was.
- Joan: Mm, he was a dork. He used to pick me up and spin me over his head. I should have ralphed on him.
- Kevin Girardi: No, you loved him. We all did.
- Joan: He's a bastard now.
- Kevin Girardi: Sure seems that way. I'm gonna go see him.
- Joan: What?
- Kevin Girardi: I need to find out why he's doing this.
- Joan: Kevin, he's suing us. You can't go see him.
- Kevin Girardi: Who says?
- Joan: Like, every law show on TV.
- Kevin Girardi: You won't tell mom and dad, will you?
- Joan: [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, I'm dying to get in the middle of this one.
- Joan: Hey.
- Judith Montgomery: [weakly] Joanith in the hizzouse.
- Joan: Where are your parents?
- Judith Montgomery: Um... uh... my father's giving a speech tonight at Shrinkapalooza.
- Joan: Oh.
- Judith Montgomery: What? You look worse than me.
- Joan: I should have taken that bottle away from you.
- Judith Montgomery: This is my thing. Not yours.
- Joan: No, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work if everyone is alone, you know? I was supposed to keep my eyes open. And I didn't know what that meant, even though everything was right there in front of me, and Kevin and Andy, and you and the party, and... I almost let you die anyway. And Adam dumped me, and then dad and the lady who did what she was supposed to do got killed. And even though I see now, I probably sent the cosmos spinning off course, and we're all gonna end up sucked into a black hole, and there'll be no more world. And I'm just really, really... I'm really sorry, Judith.
- Joan: You know, I thought when you left, that you had left... me.
- Adam Rove: Nothing's ever been that easy with us, Joan.
- Joan: Jane. Look, I didn't really want you to... to shake your booty.
- Adam Rove: Well, that would have been ugly.
- Joan: I was just trying to figure out who I wanted to be. You know, like, what kind of person. I didn't want anyone else to tell me.
- Adam Rove: I know.
- Joan: Do you know who you are?
- Adam Rove: You know, I... I don't try to figure it out, really.
- Joan: Maybe it's not important, you know? It's about what we do for each other, isn't it?
- Joan: You should have been more specific. You could have made me.
- Old Lady God: I can only point things out, give you choices.
- Joan: But what if I mess up again?
- [crying]
- Joan: I don't wanna mess up again.
- The Other Sammy: "Alice in Quantumland" is not in Children's. Even simplistic writings on quantum theory would be found in Science, which should be ovious, unless, of course, you don't even have a game show's knowledge of of basic scientific terminology.
- Joan: Hey, I take AP Physics.
- The Other Sammy: Oh, which explains the outsourcing of jobs to India.
- Joan: When is Sammy coming back?
- The Other Sammy: I am Sammy.
- Joan: Which is weird, isn't it? Best friends, both Sammy, both like... you know how you are. It's like there should be some mothership someplace.
- The Other Sammy: Mm-hmm. The prior Sammy will return when his wife regains her sanity. So I'd get used to me if I were you.
- Will Girardi: Emotional damage. What is that?
- Det. Carlisle: It happens when you live with my ex-wife.
- Will Girardi: And my lawyer says they have a case. My kid has wheels for legs and I'm on the defensive. Just once, I'd like someone to do the right thing. Once.
- Det. Carlisle: You're still a dreamer. It's cute.
- Joan: I told you, I am done with you.
- Old Lady God: Oh, here's one of the books your mother wanted. Thoreau? Now, he believed that, with a keen awareness of the natural world, one could find truth.
- Joan: You just can't stop, can you?
- Will Girardi: What do we know?
- Det. Carlisle: Eh, still nothing. No one's talking.
- Will Girardi: Funny how so many people can go blind at the same time.
- Det. Carlisle: Yeah. Hey, peanut cluster? It's a real rush.
- Will Girardi: You ever consider actual food?
- Will Girardi: No! Damn it, no!
- Joan: What happened?
- Helen Girardi: A woman your father was working with, a witness to a murder, was killed.
- Will Girardi: And I pushed her to get involved.
- Helen Girardi: It was the right thing to do.
- Will Girardi: She's dead, Helen.
- Grace Polk: [making out to "Candles are Lit" at Judith's party] You put it on repeat in an attempt to circumvent our five minute make-out rule.
- Luke Girardi: Free will between the amorous parties supersedes contractual duty, rendering our agreement void ab initio.
- Grace Polk: You're impaired, dude.
- Luke Girardi: Caveat emptor. I have grounds to re-negotiate.
- Mary Wallace: This is who you want.
- Will Girardi: These are kids.
- Mary Wallace: It's the only picture I had, when they were ten. They still look the same. The bigger one's Ruben Holloway. The other's DeShawn Wallace. My nephew.
- Will Girardi: Your nephew?
- Mary Wallace: Yeah. I'm Mary Wallace. He was a sweet boy until his mama died. He went into foster care. I would've taken him in, but I had my own problems.
- Det. Carlisle: Third Street All-Stars. They run corners on the East Side. Heroin, crack, crystal. Whatever you want, whenever you want it.
- Will Girardi: Did you see them shoot the boy?
- Mary Wallace: Right in front of my house.
- Will Girardi: You did the right thing, Ms. Wallace.
- Mary Wallace: If I had done the right thing, I'd have taken that boy in years ago, and none of us would be here right now.