Jack Benny: I don't think I know any Dr. Johnson. Look, the one who treated me for the flu was Dr. Allen and then for my sinus, I had Dr. Miller, then that time my knee went out of joint, I had Dr. Smith. Wait a minute, who... who took out my appendix?
Rochester Van Jones: I did.
Jack Benny: Oh yes - - yeah that's when my knee went out of joint.
Dr. E. Johnson: He doesn't remember who he is.
Jack Benny: Well, what's that got to do with me?
Dr. E. Johnson: Well, in all his mumblings, the only name he keeps mentioning is yours.
Jack Benny: Well, I mean that could... could be anybody. I have millions of fans.
Dr. E. Johnson: From what he's been mumbling, I don't think he's a fan.
Jack Benny: Do you think you can make a good violinist out of me?
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: Well uh... I think I can do something, but it will take time. How old are you?
Jack Benny: Why?
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: How much time have we got left?
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: Monsieur Benny, perhaps if you held the violin upside down?
Jack Benny: Upside down? I wouldn't be able to play it that way.
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: Let us try anything.
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: Monsieur Benny, could I have some water please?
Jack Benny: Water? Yes, there's some in the cooler out in the hall.
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: That is not enough. I would like to drown myself.
Jack Benny: Hey! I've got an idea. Supposing I take his violin and prove to him that I'm a good violinist?
Dr. E. Johnson: Maybe if he hears you play well, the shock will bring him back to reality.
Jack Benny: I didn't like the way you phrased it, but that's the idea.
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: [to Kreutzer exercise] Play it softly, not so brassy, Pull your tongue in, you're not Lassie.
Prof. Pierre LeBlanc: [to Kreutzer exercise] Play it softly while you're learning, Not so loud, my stomach's turning.