Dee Reynolds: Did you have sex with her?
Charlie Kelly: Yeah.
Dee Reynolds: Well, did you use birth control?
Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, Dee, we're from a Catholic school.
Dee Reynolds: So, premarital sex is all right, but you're not allowed to use birth control?
Charlie Kelly: Okay, now you're just twisting words around and getting cute.
Charlie Kelly: Today's a big day for me, Tommy.
Charlie Kelly: Well, today is probably the best chance I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl, so, uh... Look at me, look at me for a second, pal.
Charlie Kelly: Okay, do me a favor. If you're good today, I'm gonna buy you anything you want. Anything in the world, all right?
[Tommy spits on Charlie]
Charlie Kelly: Oh, my God! I will smash your face into a... into a jelly!
Mac: [yelling outside an abortion clinic] Pro-choice is pro-death!
Megan: Wow! Great rhetoric!
Mac: Thank you.
Megan: Hey, you're really hardcore, aren't you?
Mac: Oh, well, you know. I mean, if you really want to see hardcore...
[pulls out a paper and gives it to Megan]
Megan: What's this?
Mac: That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill.
Megan: There's two already crossed out.
Mac: Yeah, I know.
Crack Whore: [at the free clinic] Hey pretty boy, whatcha here for?
Dennis Reynolds: My friend's getting a... blood test.
Crack Whore: Your boyfriend?
Dennis Reynolds: No, he's not my... he's not my boyfriend.
Crack Whore: He got AIDS?
Dennis Reynolds: I don't... I don't think so.
Crack Whore: Do you?
Dennis Reynolds: No, I don't.
Crack Whore: I'll blow you for 10 dollars.
Dee Reynolds: You're gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?
Dennis Reynolds: I don't really have any convictions.
Dee Reynolds: Well, I'm going to go, at least one pro-choice voice will be heard.
Mac: One? There was, like, tons of those chicks at the last one.
Dennis Reynolds: Which side had more?
Dee Reynolds: Oh, which one do you think? I one that cares about protecting womens bodies or the one thats run by the religious right?
Dennis Reynolds: Probably the side you're going to. I'm going to fight for the right to choose.
Mac: I hate dead baby fetuses, you know why? Because they are dead and they shouldn't be. They should be alive, and they should be loved.
Dennis Reynolds: I think all these chicks are gay.
Dee Reynolds: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay. I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.
Mac: [on abortion] It's nobody's choice! It should be left up to God!
Dee Reynolds: Is he jo...? Is that...? Are you... joking?
Mac: No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis? Book two, verse three: And he breatheth into the nostrils of Adam on the first day and it was good.
Dee Reynolds: Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.
Dennis Reynolds: [to Mac] You're making an asshole out of yourself.
Tommy: You're ugly.
Charlie Kelly: You're ugly.
Tommy: You're ugly!
Charlie Kelly: You are the one that's ugly!
Dee Reynolds: Charlie, Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30? Are you almost 30 years old?
Charlie Kelly: Yes.
Tommy: You have to buy me a toy.
Charlie Kelly: I don't have to buy you shit!
Tommy: If you don't buy me anything, I'm gonna telly my mom you took me to a black people's hospital!