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"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Charlie Wants an Abortion (TV Episode 2005) Poster

Quotes

Dee Reynolds: Did you have sex with her?

Charlie Kelly: Yeah.

Dee Reynolds: Well, did you use birth control?

Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, Dee, we're from a Catholic school.

Dee Reynolds: So, premarital sex is all right, but you're not allowed to use birth control?

Charlie Kelly: Okay, now you're just twisting words around and getting cute.

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Charlie Kelly: Today's a big day for me, Tommy.

Tommy: Why?

Charlie Kelly: Well, today is probably the best chance I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl, so, uh... Look at me, look at me for a second, pal.

[kneels]

Charlie Kelly: Okay, do me a favor. If you're good today, I'm gonna buy you anything you want. Anything in the world, all right?

[Tommy spits on Charlie]

Charlie Kelly: Oh, my God! I will smash your face into a... into a jelly!

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Mac: [yelling outside an abortion clinic] Pro-choice is pro-death!

Megan: Wow! Great rhetoric!

Mac: Thank you.

Megan: Hey, you're really hardcore, aren't you?

Mac: Oh, well, you know. I mean, if you really want to see hardcore...

[pulls out a paper and gives it to Megan]

Megan: What's this?

Mac: That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill.

Megan: There's two already crossed out.

Mac: Yeah, I know.

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Crack Whore: [at the free clinic] Hey pretty boy, whatcha here for?

Dennis Reynolds: My friend's getting a... blood test.

Crack Whore: Your boyfriend?

Dennis Reynolds: No, he's not my... he's not my boyfriend.

Crack Whore: He got AIDS?

Dennis Reynolds: I don't... I don't think so.

Crack Whore: Do you?

Dennis Reynolds: No, I don't.

Crack Whore: I'll blow you for 10 dollars.

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Dee Reynolds: [on her pro-choice poster] Viva la Vulva

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Dee Reynolds: You're gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?

Dennis Reynolds: I don't really have any convictions.

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Dee Reynolds: Well, I'm going to go, at least one pro-choice voice will be heard.

Mac: One? There was, like, tons of those chicks at the last one.

Dennis Reynolds: Which side had more?

Dee Reynolds: Oh, which one do you think? I one that cares about protecting womens bodies or the one thats run by the religious right?

Dennis Reynolds: Probably the side you're going to. I'm going to fight for the right to choose.

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Mac: I hate dead baby fetuses, you know why? Because they are dead and they shouldn't be. They should be alive, and they should be loved.

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Dennis Reynolds: I think all these chicks are gay.

Dee Reynolds: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay. I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.

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Mac: [on abortion] It's nobody's choice! It should be left up to God!

Dee Reynolds: Is he jo...? Is that...? Are you... joking?

Mac: No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis? Book two, verse three: And he breatheth into the nostrils of Adam on the first day and it was good.

Dee Reynolds: Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.

Dennis Reynolds: [to Mac] You're making an asshole out of yourself.

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Tommy: You're ugly.

Charlie Kelly: You're ugly.

Tommy: You're ugly!

Charlie Kelly: You are the one that's ugly!

Dee Reynolds: Charlie, Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30? Are you almost 30 years old?

Charlie Kelly: Yes.

Tommy: You have to buy me a toy.

Charlie Kelly: I don't have to buy you shit!

Tommy: If you don't buy me anything, I'm gonna telly my mom you took me to a black people's hospital!

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Dee Reynolds: Charlie, what in the hell are you gonna do if this kid's yours?

Charlie Kelly: Oh, I don't know, I'll probably, uh, kill myself.

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