I'm Alan Partridge (1997–2002)
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Never Say Alan Again 

Michael has a new friend, Tex, who likes all things American. Alan is jealous and cancels Michael's invitation to join Alan in watching all the James Bond films. Lynn's new boyfriend, Gordon, warns Alan about his behaviour towards Lynn.




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Episode credited cast:
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Simon Greenall ...
Felicity Montagu ...


Helped by Sonja,Alan devises a meticulous plan to watch,on video,all the James Bond films in sequence over the bank holiday weekend,but excludes Michael from the viewing out of pique that Michael has a new best friend,an Americanophile,Terry,who calls himself Tex. Unfortunately Lynn spills drinks over almost all the videos and,when Alan remonstrates with her,Gordon,her ex-policeman boyfriend,threatens Alan to back down so he gives her a pay rise instead. After an unsuccessful effort to make John the builder his new best friend he reconciles with Michael,only to find that 'Tex' has recorded 'America's Strongest Man' over the one intact Bond film. As a result Alan declares himself to be Norfolk's Maddest Man. Written by don @ minifie-1

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Release Date:

2 December 2002 (UK)  »

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Did You Know?


When Alan is describing the opening sequence to 'The Spy Who Loved Me' he describes the enemy skiers as 'wearing black suits with yellow piping'. In fact, they have red piping. The enemy skiers that have yellow piping appear in 'For Your Eyes Only' See more »


Sonja: "The Spy Who Loved Me" is a brilliant film. It begin in forest in Germany...
Alan Partridge: It's Austria! Austria!
John: What's the one where the laser beam goes up his jack...
Alan Partridge: "Goldfinger"!
Michael: What's the one with the, with the volcano, and it splits up and a big rocket comes out with all Chinkies jumping up and down?
Tex: Isn't that, er, "Thunderball"?
Alan Partridge: No. No! No! No! Stop getting Bond wrong! I'll tell you about "The Spy Who Loved Me". All do that with your fingers round your eye. I am Roger Moore. Bang! Blood dribbles ...
See more »


References Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000) See more »


Purple Rain
Written by Prince
Performed by Prince and The Revolution
See more »

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User Reviews

Alan's word is his bond
19 August 2010 | by (Ambrosia) – See all my reviews

Alan plans watching the James Bond movies ( with Michael ) over one weekend. But, finding that the Geordie is friendly with American culture obsessed truck driver Tex ( Peter Sarafinowicz ), the disc jockey becomes so jealous he excludes him from his 'Bond-a-thon'. Lynn requests he drive her to her mother's grave on the anniversary of her death. Her new boyfriend is Gordon ( Michael Wardle ), an ex-policeman who hates how Alan treats her and warns him to watch his step. Alan looks all set for 00-Heaven when he remembers he loaned his video of 'The Spy Who Loved Me' to Michael...

Along with 'BraveAlan', this is probably the best episode of the otherwise disappointing Season 2, though for us Bond fans its a little uncomfortable to watch. Not long after its screening, a hostile review of Gary Morecambe and Martin Stirling's excellent book 'Martinis, Girls & Guns' in The Observer referred to this episode as though it was some sort of documentary on the behavioural patterns of Bond fans. I have never indulged in a 'Bond-a-thon' and would not want to. The movies are far too good for that ( with the exception of 'Quantum Of Solace' which I'm sorry to say I loathed ).

Alan's enthusiasm for Bond makes him do crazy things such as striding round his new house and firing an imaginary gun, and later - when Lynn accidentally destroys his 007 video collection - he loses his temper and wrecks packets of cereal. Strangely, his schedule lacks 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service', arguably the best Bond film of them all. After admonishing his friends for getting Bond wrong, he himself does likewise - Fiona Fullerton was in 'A View To A Kill', not 'The Spy Who Loved Me'. The music Alan is seen bopping to while Lynn is at the grave is the theme to 'Return Of The Saint'.

Funniest moment - Alan berating Lynn for thinking Timothy Dalton played Bond with a Welsh accent.

Second funniest moment - Alan's reenactment of 'The Spy Who Loved Me' opening ( which sadly means I cannot watch the real thing again without expecting Alan to sing over the titles: "Glang! Glang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang! Glang-a-lang!" ).

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