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"How I Met Your Mother" Belly Full of Turkey (TV Episode 2005) Poster

Quotes

[last lines]

Stripper: I'm Amber.

Ted: Oh, I'm Ted.

[Shake hands]

Stripper: Actually, I'm Tracey.

Ted: Still Ted.

Narrator: And that kids is the true story of how I met your mother.

SonDaughter: WHAT?

Narrator: Haha, I'm kidding.

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Robin: Wait, so you're not going home for Thanksgiving?

Ted: No, I have to work on Friday. You?

Robin: I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.

Ted: Oh, right, I forgot, you guys are weird. You pronounce the word "out" "ouut."

Robin: You guys are the world leader in handgun violence, your healthcare system is bankrupt, and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.

Ted: ...Your cops are called "mounties."

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Barney: So, wait, not only have you not done any good for anyone today, you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless. You know, Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. Damn.

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Lily: [while waiting to look at a pregnancy test] Look, we may have some really big decisions to make in about 10 seconds but right now, I don't care where our kids grow up as long as they have you for a father.

Lily: [Lily leans into Marshall's open arm, Marshall kisses Lily on the top of her head] Gosh, I hope you're the father. Just a little joke to lighten up the mood.

Marshall: What does it say?

Lily: I'm afraid to look.

Policeman: [Yelling from outside] It's negative.

Lily: Thank God.

[to Pete]

Lily: And hey!

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Robin: Thanksgiving in November... weird.

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Ted: You want a good holiday drink, try his Quanzapolitan.

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[about having to do community service after being caught urinating in public]

Barney: I was unfarely punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church.

Ted: You peed on a church?

Barney: I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see, because I was drunk!

Ted: [happily] You *are* evil!

Robin: All is right with the world again.

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Marshall: Well, I'm glad you're safe... Hey, weird question, why did you drive three miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store?

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Barney: Okay, Ted. I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. This is Walter. Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance.

Ted: Are you joking?

Barney: I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment.

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Robin: Have you met Ted?

Ted: I am the aforementioned Ted.

Amanda: Cool, so what do you do around here?

Ted: Well... I... uh... I do nothing, absolutely nothing.

Amanda: Well, I think I can find something for you and your girlfriend to do.

Ted: Oh, she's not my girlfriend.

Robin: I'm his ex-girlfriend. I just wasn't enough woman for him. Emotionally... or sexually.

Robin: [Robin goes up behind Amanda] Oh... my... God.

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Barney: The Thankstini. A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner.

Marshall: [Drinks] It's like Thanksgiving in my mouth.

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Marshall: I don't want our kids to play BaskIceball. That game's really dangerous!

Lily: Yeah, what are the rules of that game?

Marshall: There are no rules, we just wail on each other.

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Ted: [together with Robin sees Barney among the volunteers at a Thanksgiving shelter dinner for the homeless] Barney!

Barney: Hi, guys!

Ted: What are you doing here?

Barney: Just the Lord's work.

Ted: But you're Satan!

Barney: Guys! Ok. Look. I don't advertise it but I volunteered here. I think it's important to help the less fortunate. I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys.

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Ted: Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition.

Barney: Thanksgiving in a strip club, who's in? The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. Plus, they do this thing. Heather dresses up as a pilgrim and Misty dresses up as an Indian, and they "share a meal".

Lily: Oh, Barney.

Lily: I'm sorry, Native American.

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Barney: Man, it's amazing out there. I've done so much good today, I've got like a soul boner.

[Ted and Robin stare at him]

Barney: And the way the faces of the less fortunate light up when you give them a hot, nutritious meal, is there a better feeling on earth?

Robin: Yesterday you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. Then you requested a high-five with your foot.

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Marshall: [about where they should raise their future children] Why not St. Cloud? I mean, I loved growing up St. Cloud. St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood.

Lily: Oh, so is New York.

[Marshall's family laugh]

Lily: What? It is. And we grew up just fine. And we grew to the proper size and then we stopped.

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Judy Eriksen: Now that you're going to be a Mrs. Eriksen, I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe. The Eriksen family seven-layer salad.

Lily: Seven-layer salad?

[Judy hands Lily paper with recipe on it]

Lily: [Reading] Six cups of mayonnaise? That can't be right.

Judy Eriksen: Oh no, dear, sixteen cups.

[Places a large glass cylinder next to Lily]

Judy Eriksen: Mayo's in that cabinet.

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Clerk: [When Lily is buying a pregnancy test] Happy Thanksgiving.

Lily: [Upset] Happy Thanksgiving. As in check out the chick buying the knock-up test everybody, wonder what must be going through her head. Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare. And there's a solid chance that I have an Eriksen the size of a 15-pound turkey growing inside of me.

Clerk: You know the Eriksen's?

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Lily: [about why she doesn't fit in in St. Cloud] I'm not eight feet tall and I don't think you can call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it.

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Marvin Eriksen Sr.: All right now, no farting around. Put your skates and your pads on, boys. Game on in five minutes.

Lily: You're gonna go play hockey?

[Mr. Eriksen tosses a basketball to Marcus]

Lily: With a basketball?

Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Well, it's a combination of the two. We call it baskIceball.

Marshall: We invented it. It's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world.

Lily: [Thinks for a second] BaskIceball? Not Iceketball?

Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Iceketball? Just sounds weird.

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Ted: Hey, Barn, what do you say you let us step in for your scoop stuffing for a little bit?

Barney: Ha! You wanna scoop stuff on your first day out?

[mimes holding a phone to his ear with his hand]

Barney: "Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback this Sunday?" Dude.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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