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"House M.D." Deception (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)

(2005)

Quotes

Dr. Eric Foreman: Can I talk to you about something in confidence?

Dr. Wilson: Of course.

Dr. Eric Foreman: It's about House.

Dr. Wilson: Oh, then, no.

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Dr. Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?

Dr. Gregory House: Nonexistent... otherwise, excellent.

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Dr. Gregory House: You have an infection. I'm gonna to need a sample.

Hailey: I brought the jar.

Dr. Gregory House: No, I meant a sample of your...

Dr. Gregory House: [she holds up a jar of strawberry jelly. House is stunned] Okay, we have a neurological problem here.

Hailey: There's something wrong with my brain?

Dr. Gregory House: [trying not to laugh] Oh, yeah.

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Dr. Eric Foreman: What do you expect me to do, House? Quit? Cry?

Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I expect you to act like what you are: my employee, my subordinate, my bitch.

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Dr. Gregory House: I don't care what anybody says. I care what they do. Right now, Blackpoleon Blackaparte has got the nurses on red alert, I can't get into the patient's room. So come on, I'll draw the enemy fire, you outflank them, get in there, get the bone marrow sample.

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Dr. Cameron: There's more to being a leader than being a jerk!

Dr. Gregory House: The world will never know.

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Dr. Eric Foreman: [mocking House] "The body does crazy things". Well, that explains everything.

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Dr. Gregory House: Chase killed that woman and Foreman's in charge?

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yeah, we have a pecking order here. If Cameron kills someone, Chase takes over. We have a flowchart in the lobby.

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Dr. Allison Cameron: It's the irony of change, they don't like other women in charge. What, you think it's something else?

Dr. Robert Chase: You sabotaged yourself. You went on a date with House, you slept with me. Putting you in charge of this department is like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah, they're really worried that I'm going to create a hostile work environment.

Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe that's the problem. Being in charge means having say no to House. Would you hire you for that?

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Dr. Allison Cameron: [looking through Anica's home] There's even books in the bathroom.

Dr. Gregory House: Well either she's very smart, or she has a severe fiber deficiency.

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Dr. Gregory House: Sorry, I missed that. Hearing's been off since the Ricky Martin concert. Some cholo kicked me in the head.

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Dr. Allison Cameron: She's got an appointment with her ophthalmologist on Tuesday and an appointment with her gynecologist on Thursday. Multiple appointments with multiple doctors, symptom of Munchausen's.

Dr. Gregory House: Or... just thinking outside the box here, she has a vagina and trouble reading.

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Dr. Allison Cameron: [to a suspected Munchhausens patient] This is a consent form to stick a wire into your brain. It's important for hospitals to get these signed for procedures that are completely unnecessary.

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Dr. Gregory House: Is anybody here a doctor?

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Dr. Robert Chase: Gambling doesn't take away his pain.

Dr. Gregory House: [enters] It does if I win.

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Anica Jovanovich: You know, I was going to ask what a respectable doctor was doing in an OTB parlor... somehow, that question doesn't seem relevant any more.

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Dr. Gregory House: Oh, bite me!

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Dr. Gregory House: Eighth time's the charm!

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Dr. Robert Chase: I'd give her two months.

Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right.

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Dr. Gregory House: [to Foreman] Nice move, boss. Way to cover your ass.

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Dr. Eric Foreman: Did you get the medical records faxed over?

Dr. Gregory House: Work smart, not hard, that's my philosophy boss.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I'll take that as a no.

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Dr. Eric Foreman: You injected her against her will, just so you could be right?

Dr. Gregory House: She consented.

Dr. Eric Foreman: She's mentally ill!

Dr. Gregory House: But she smells oh so sweet.

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Dr. Gregory House: [to a patient] What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? Casual rough sex? I'm a doctor, I need to know.

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Dr. Gregory House: You probably shouldn't have sex for a while.

Hailey: For how long?

Dr. Gregory House: On an evolutionary basis, I'd recommend forever.

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Dr. Gregory House: I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I'm that good.

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Dr. Gregory House: Do you like Teeny Tiny Moe in the fifth?

Anica Jovanovich: I went 4 for 6 yesterday. You want winners, cure me first.

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Dr. Eric Foreman: Do a full workup. H and P. And lab all up. LP, MRI.

[starts to leave room]

Dr. Gregory House: [to Foreman] Wo wo wo!

[Foreman stops at the door]

Dr. Gregory House: Do you just, ever so sutily, ordered me to get her medical history?

Dr. Eric Foreman: Cuddy put me in charge last week, so... yeah.

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Dr. Gregory House: You can *try*.

Imelda: I can try to look like Salma Hayek. That's not gonna make it happen.

Dr. Gregory House: [seductively] You may not have Salma's ass, but she doesn't have your eyes.

Imelda: Yeah, right.

[looks to House, who smiles at her]

Imelda: How soon you need it?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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