Tim Taylor: [working on his hot rod] Hey, Randy - you finish your homework?
Randy Taylor: Yeah.
Tim Taylor: Wanna help?
Randy Taylor: [leaving] No.
Tim Taylor: Where did I go wrong with him?
Jill Taylor: Don't worry about it; he's not yours.
Tim Taylor: Look - you've got to learn basic plumbing. What would happen if I died?
Jill Taylor: And all the plumbers are dead?
Tim Taylor: You can't unplug the sink with needlenose pliers.
Jill Taylor: I'm gonna use the pliers to get your screwdriver out of the drain.
Tim Taylor: I don't think you realize that I worked two hours on this sink!
Jill Taylor: But I worked two hours on this sink before you did.
Tim Taylor: Worked? You just threw tools down there.
Tim Taylor: Honey, I thought we share responsibilities here.
Jill Taylor: We do.
Tim Taylor: Well, I learned how to do the laundry, separate the colors, put the fabric softener in.
Jill Taylor: Wait - wait a minute. When was the last time that you did the laundry, Tim?
Tim Taylor: You know, that's - this isn't the point. The point is, I learned how to do it. I don't see you out there changing spark plugs.
Jill Taylor: Do you want me to go out and change the spark plugs?
Tim Taylor: You don't know how to do it.
Jill Taylor: That's why I *don't* do it.
Tim Taylor: This is an excuse, women, and you're not the type to have excuses. You need to be taught. I don't think you're stupid just 'cause you don't know anything... You know, I - that didn't come out right.
Tim Taylor: To me, it's the effort you put into things, not just the grade, that counts.
Brad Taylor: So it's OK if I flunk?
Tim Taylor: No! I don't want you livin' here when you're 25. "Dad - you wanna shave together or somethin'?"
Jill Taylor: [posing as a "Tool Time" audience member] My husband always yells at me a lot when he tries to teach me something.
Tim Taylor: That's probably because he used meta-messages; that's making things sound more complicated than they are... using technical jargon to make women feel inferior. And I'm sure he didn't know that he was doing that, and I'm sure he's real sorry that he did that.
Jill Taylor: Well, uh, I wouldn't mind learning if my husband were as patient and understanding as you are - although, I must say, um, he is your biggest fan.