Hogan's Heroes (TV Series)

Who Stole My Copy of Mein Kampf? (1969)

Alan Oppenheimer: Colonel Sitzer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Colonel Sitzer : [after hearing the run-down of the latest propaganda broadcast, sighing]  It's the same dull stuff we've been doing. I wish we had something different, some kind of a surprise.

  Leslie Smythe-Beddoes : What if we told them the truth about the Eastern Front?

  Colonel Sitzer : [snorts]  I said surprise, not shock.

• Col. Wilhelm Klink : [after General Burkhalter slammed an object against his desk that woke him up]  Oh! General Burkhalter! What a pleasure! I was so deep in thought, I didn't realize...

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : Klink, this is Colonel Sitzer.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : It's a pleasure. And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? Not that there needs be any reason.

  Colonel Sitzer : I am with the Ministry Propaganda.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Oh, that's a wonderful branch of the service. Oh, what a charm you people are. I've always said, "You people are doing more to end this war than anyone else."

  Colonel Sitzer : Colonel Klink, we have been looking at your records very carefully.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : I can explain that. That's not my fault. Although technically, I was in charge of all the money at the Officers' Club, Lieutenant Kleinmisner also had a key, and he...

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : Klink! Colonel Sitzer is talking about your perfect record in the camp.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : He is?

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : Yes. What are you talking about?

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Was I talking about something? I don't remember what it was.

  Colonel Sitzer : We believe what you have done deserves public recognition.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : I was only doing my duty. Naturally, I'm flattered. And I hope that others will be inspired by my example.

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : We are not doing it for you, Klink. It is for the propaganda value.

  Colonel Sitzer : You'll be presented with an award on the National Radio Hookup.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : An award? For me? Let me say, sir, I accept it with the deepest of humility.

  Colonel Sitzer : We want you to keep it a secret until the presentation. That way we will get the full impact on public opinion.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Oh, you have nothing to worry about, sir. My lips are sealed. I won't say a word. A secret is sacred to me. Wild horses and torture could not drag one syllable out of me. If there's one thing I'm not, it's a talker...

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : I must admit, if there is anything more outstanding than your humility, it's your golden silence.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Thank you, General Burkhalter.

  Colonel Sitzer : I think we better be getting back to town.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Oh, I'll have the car brought around right away. Oh, uh, sir, I was wondering if you...

  Colonel Sitzer : You will receive the reward in about a week. In the meantime, remember, it's a secret.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : You can depend on me. Absolute silence.

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : The car, Klink.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : The car, sir. Yes, the car.

  [leaves the office] 

  Colonel Sitzer : Are you sure no prisoner has ever escaped from him?

  General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter : Don't look at me. I don't understand it either.