Oliver Wendell Douglas: ...The nut on television is predicting rain! The numbskull on the radio is singing a song about the drought! Isn't there anybody around here who can give you accurate weather information?
Hank Kimball: Of course - if you want fast, accurate, up-to-the-minute weather information, you just pick up the phone and call me, and I'll give you the latest scientific forecast.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: You have a weather station?
Hank Kimball: No... an almanac.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: You go by - ?
Hank Kimball: Richard Poor's - founded and written by Franklin Benjamin. I've found the almanac to be almost infallible. Well, not almost - and not infallible - it's usually right some of the time. Now, here's what it says for last night: "Salads are made, salads are tossed, don't plant tomatoes because of the frost."
Oliver Wendell Douglas: The almanac predicted the frost last night? What does it say about today?... "Today's the day for hunting grouse, so get your tomatoes out of the house."!
Hank Kimball: Well, I guess you know what to do now.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Yes, I do - but there's a law against it!
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Are you gonna take my tomato plants to Hooterville?
Charlie Pratt: No, sir.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: [turn to Floyd] If I get a truck, will you help Eb load 'em?
Floyd Smoot: [wearing beach clothes] No, sir. I ain't gonna get no sunstroke.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: [turns back to Charlie] Would you?
Charlie Pratt: [wearing a life jacket] No sir, I can't swim.
Lisa Douglas: [angry] Oliver! One of these days you're going to be a little man and you'll come out of your own house and nobody is going to look at you because you're such a grouch!
Oliver Wendell Douglas: [shouting] And that will be the happiest day of my life!
Mr. Kimball: Tomatoes are the dumbest of all plants. You know their IQ is hardly above what a 6-year old child's is?
Oliver Wendell Douglas: [Eb is dressed for a drought in a swimsuit, jungle helmet & sunglasses] Eb, we've got to go to Pixley to pick up the tomato plants. Now take that stupid outfit off.
Eb Dawson: Pixley's a pretty big town. I ought to wear something.
Lisa Douglas: Eb's right. He might get arrested for undecent explosion.
Mr. Haney: [hods up two troll dolls he claims are voodoo dolls] And this is the Mildred hexer and this is the Walter jinxer. Just a few pins in the right places and you can put the weather where everyou want it.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Do you happen to have a Haney hexer?
Mr. Haney: No, I don't believe I do.
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Oh, that's too bad. Then I'll have to start sticking the pins in you personally.