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"Green Acres" Never Trust a Little Old Lady (TV Episode 1966) Poster

Quotes

Oliver Wendell Douglas: ...The nut on television is predicting rain! The numbskull on the radio is singing a song about the drought! Isn't there anybody around here who can give you accurate weather information?

Hank Kimball: Of course - if you want fast, accurate, up-to-the-minute weather information, you just pick up the phone and call me, and I'll give you the latest scientific forecast.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: You have a weather station?

Hank Kimball: No... an almanac.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: You go by - ?

Hank Kimball: Richard Poor's - founded and written by Franklin Benjamin. I've found the almanac to be almost infallible. Well, not almost - and not infallible - it's usually right some of the time. Now, here's what it says for last night: "Salads are made, salads are tossed, don't plant tomatoes because of the frost."

Oliver Wendell Douglas: The almanac predicted the frost last night? What does it say about today?... "Today's the day for hunting grouse, so get your tomatoes out of the house."!

Hank Kimball: Well, I guess you know what to do now.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: Yes, I do - but there's a law against it!

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Oliver Wendell Douglas: Are you gonna take my tomato plants to Hooterville?

Charlie Pratt: No, sir.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: [turn to Floyd] If I get a truck, will you help Eb load 'em?

Floyd Smoot: [wearing beach clothes] No, sir. I ain't gonna get no sunstroke.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: [turns back to Charlie] Would you?

Charlie Pratt: [wearing a life jacket] No sir, I can't swim.

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Charlie Pratt: Floyd Smoot, you're a stubborn fool!

Floyd Smoot: And that goes double for me!

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Lisa Douglas: [angry] Oliver! One of these days you're going to be a little man and you'll come out of your own house and nobody is going to look at you because you're such a grouch!

Oliver Wendell Douglas: [shouting] And that will be the happiest day of my life!

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Mr. Kimball: Tomatoes are the dumbest of all plants. You know their IQ is hardly above what a 6-year old child's is?

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Oliver Wendell Douglas: [Eb is dressed for a drought in a swimsuit, jungle helmet & sunglasses] Eb, we've got to go to Pixley to pick up the tomato plants. Now take that stupid outfit off.

Eb Dawson: Pixley's a pretty big town. I ought to wear something.

Lisa Douglas: Eb's right. He might get arrested for undecent explosion.

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Mr. Haney: [hods up two troll dolls he claims are voodoo dolls] And this is the Mildred hexer and this is the Walter jinxer. Just a few pins in the right places and you can put the weather where everyou want it.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: Do you happen to have a Haney hexer?

Mr. Haney: No, I don't believe I do.

Oliver Wendell Douglas: Oh, that's too bad. Then I'll have to start sticking the pins in you personally.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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