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"The Golden Girls" Witness (TV Episode 1991) Poster

(TV Series)

(1991)

Quotes

Miles: [despite being in the witness protection program, Miles comes back to visit Rose dressed for his new identity as an Amish farmer, and the girls at first mistake him for a rabbi] It's really me. I was hoping to play a trick on you.

Sophia Petrillo: Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids!

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Dorothy Zbornak: [Blanche asks Dorothy to help check her Southern lineage papers] Uh-oh...

Blanche Devereaux: What?

Dorothy Zbornak: Well, I hate telling you this, Blanche... no, that's not true. I look forward to telling you this, Blanche. The woman your great-grandfather married was born, well, outside of Georgia.

Blanche Devereaux: How far outside of Georgia?

Dorothy Zbornak: Buffalo. You're a Yankee, Blanche!

Blanche Devereaux: No, this can't be.

Dorothy Zbornak: [enjoying this to the fullest] A Yankee Doodle!

Blanche Devereaux: [panicking] There must be some mistake.

Dorothy Zbornak: You are that Yankee Doodle gal.

Blanche Devereaux: Let me see the certificate. I want to see with my own eyes that my great-grandmother was... that thing you said.

Dorothy Zbornak: A Yankee.

Blanche Devereaux: Right.

Dorothy Zbornak: A Yankee Doodle.

Blanche Devereaux: Oh, stop it.

Blanche Devereaux: [she carefully inspects the document] Oh, my God!

Dorothy Zbornak: Oh, did I mention, her name was Feldman?

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Rose Nylund: Oh, Carl is quite a guy. Lately I've been dreaming about him at night, not Miles! Although, I do have one dream that both Carl and Miles are in.

Blanche Devereaux: [sensually] Oh!

[long pause]

Blanche Devereaux: And?

Rose Nylund: Okay. And Captain Kangaroo!

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Blanche Devereaux: Ahhh, I remember growin' up in Atlanta, how all of us girls used to pretend to be Confederate belles and we'd receive gentleman callers. Got to be like a competition. In fact, I once received seven callers in one evening.

Dorothy Zbornak: I'm just thinking out loud, but isn't Atlanta where the Center for Disease Control is?

Blanche Devereaux: Coincidence.

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Barbara Weston: I should tell you there's been some complaints from the neighbors about the noise at night.

Blanche Devereaux: Which neighbors?

Barbara Weston: Well, me.

Blanche Devereaux: Which noise?

Barbara Weston: Well, you.

Blanche Devereaux: Well, get earmuffs. I pay my taxes.

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Karl: What do you say we go away for the weekend?

Rose Nylund: Karl, I'm not sure I'm ready to.

Karl: It's because of this Miles guy, right? Look, Rose, I don't want to push you, but I just wish I knew what I was up against. I mean, who is this guy? What did he do? Where is he now?

Rose Nylund: Oh, I wish I could tell you, but I really don't know anything about him any more. When I knew him, he was a professor at a college.

Karl: That's hard to believe.

Rose Nylund: Well, it's one of the few places they have professors.

Karl: [flustered at being misunderstood] No, yeah, no, I know that. I meant, I can't believe he left someone like you.

Rose Nylund: He left someone else like me?

Karl: No, I mean you. That he left *you*.

Rose Nylund: Oh. Okay.

Karl: I should be more clear.

Rose Nylund: That'd be great!

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