[Blanche is upset after discovering her late husband had cheated on her in 1967, fathering an illegitimate son]
Blanche Devereaux: Why did George cheat on me?
Rose Nylund: Why does any man cheat?
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Well, there are two popular theories. One, men are victims of an evolutionary process which genetically programs their sexual habits.
Blanche Devereaux: What's the other theory?
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Men are scum.
Sophia Petrillo: [patronizing] Pussycat, when's the last time I told you you were beautiful?
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: June first, 1949.
[she waits for the reaction]
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: At my wedding.
Sophia Petrillo: Oh, well, that's because pregnant women have that special glow.
Sophia Petrillo: How many challenges do I have left in life? Seeing if I can get more than half-way across the street before the "Don't Walk" sign comes on... trying to stay awake on the john... hoping it *is* the john...
Blanche Devereaux: [a young man comes to the door asking for Blanche's husband] My husband passed away a few years ago.
David: Oh, I see.
Blanche Devereaux: What did you want George for?
David: I'm sellin' encyclopedias, and his name was at the top of my list of leads. I hope I haven't bothered you, and I'm truly sorry about your husband.
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, now that is really odd. I mean, if he's selling encyclopedias, why didn't he try to sell us a set?
Rose Nylund: And you know what else is so strange about it. He didn't bring them in.
Blanche Devereaux: Rose, no encyclopedia salesman lugs around 26 volumes door to door.
Rose Nylund: Are you kidding? In St Olaf, they carry 52.
Blanche Devereaux: Why?
Rose Nylund: Balance!
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, why don't they just carry thirteen in each hand?
Rose Nylund: [pauses to think it over] Excuse me, I have to make a phone call.
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I knew I never should have gotten involved in this mother-daughter pageant. I just wish I'd known how to say "No" to it.
Rose Nylund: I know what you mean. I should have said "No" to the Miss St Olaf beauty pageant. It was 1951. That was the first year they let humans enter, too.
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Sophia and Dorothy come home after the Shady Pines mother-daughter beauty pageant] The big news is, we beat Gladys Goldfine, right, Ma?
Sophia Petrillo: Ahh, it was a hollow victory. Time has taken its toll on Gladys. She's not the fierce competitor she once was.
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Y'know, for the talent section, she was supposed to do a medley from The Fantasticks. She started with "Try to Remember" and... she couldn't.