Luke Danes: What can I get you Kirk?
Kirk Gleason: Patty melt and a coke.
Luke Danes: You want the melt cut into squares or stars today?
Kirk Gleason: Half and half.
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy?
Luke Danes: Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles.
Lorelai Gilmore: Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?
Luke Danes: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: [sings] They're cousins, identical cousins...
Luke Danes: [about Jess' new car] He paid you for it, right?
Gypsy: Nothing's free at Gypsy's.
Luke Danes: And he paid cash?
Gypsy: Mostly twenties.
Luke Danes: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Neuman or someone?
Gypsy: Looked real to me.
Luke Danes: Well when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?
Gypsy: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
Luke Danes: Really?
Luke Danes: Good.
Gypsy: Guys are stupid.
Luke Danes: What?
Gypsy: You strip your gears, ride your brakes. And if we don't laugh after we make a joke, you think we're serious.
Jackson Belleville: [from off camera] I don't ride my brakes!
Rory Gilmore: You want catharsis?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
Rory Gilmore: I know what'll do it for you.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: Jess' car.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: We egg Jess' car. It's perfect!
Lorelai Gilmore: Are you serious?
Rory Gilmore: No one's around. It's just sitting there.
Lorelai Gilmore: Rory, if rearranging Sherry's medicine cabinet is immature, what's this?
Rory Gilmore: Off the chart!
Lorelai Gilmore: We can't egg his car.
Rory Gilmore: Sure we can.
Lorelai Gilmore: Doose's is closed and we don't have any eggs at home.
[Rory holds up the leftover devil's eggs]
Lorelai Gilmore: You want to devil egg Jess' car?
Taylor Doose: The bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the streetlights and relieving themselves on helpless passersby. And I daresay that some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose.
Babette Dell: You get dumped on, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: It's not just me.
Luke Danes: Hey, if anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I'll pay top dollar.
Kirk Gleason: I'll check the internet.
Miss Patty: Taylor, all animals have to... you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?
Taylor Doose: Easy. You put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures. Then when they land, pow! They're shish kebab!
Rory Gilmore: That's cruel.
Babette Dell: You can't do that.
Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
Lorelai Gilmore: There it is, our new town slogan.
Rory Gilmore: I like it.
Lorelai Gilmore: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Rory Gilmore: Don't forget the stuffed shish-kebab birds.
Lorelai Gilmore: That moan when you squeeze them!
Taylor Doose: There's one more issue that must be addressed before we can adjourn. All right. Now, that weird, taciturn fellow who's always walking around with his backpack has put in an absurd request to stage a protest in the town square.
Lorelai Gilmore: The town loner?
Luke Danes: That guy still lives around here?
Babette Dell: Somewhere in the hills, right?
Lorelai Gilmore: I thought he was long gone.
Andrew: No, he came into the bookstore a couple times last month, never said a word.
Miss Patty: He's a bit creepy.
Taylor Doose: Very creepy.
Lorelai Gilmore: But he's our Boo Radley, and we don't have a Boo Radley, unless you count the troubadour or Pete the pizza guy or the guy who talks to mailboxes.
Taylor Doose: Could this meeting be more disrupted?
Lorelai Gilmore: I could do a soft shoe.
Rory Gilmore: Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos.
Babette Dell: Ooh, that sounds like fun!
Miss Patty: I got bongos in the back!
Taylor Doose: Seeing as how our attention spans are gnat-like tonight, as town Selectman I am refusing the town loner's request to protest and I am adjourning this meeting.