Dwight: Hey, it's Dwight. Leave me a message. Namaste.
Doris: Dwight? Hi, it's Doris. Doris, your wife! Remember me? The woman who was asleep in bed when you snuck out the window like a spinless worm! How dare you sneak out like that, you sniveling pond-scum sample! I should call Erin Brockovich to bring a lawsuit against your parents, you steaming lump of toxic waste! You really thought you could get away from me? I would've found you sooner if I'd bothered to look, but now I have. I found you. And all I can say is this: I want my board games back! I want them back and I want them back now! I will hunt you to the ends of the earth until I get them back especially the Trivial Pursuit!
[Rory freaks to death]
Lorelai Gilmore: [on telephone] Hi, yes. I was at your auction yesterday, I was wondering if you could help me? I met a man there, and I would like to contact him, but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number 17, and - Oh, right. - Confidential. Got it. Well you know actually I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school - Good question. Well I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname, uh, Shamu, we called him Shamu, kind of a big guy in high school; he's slimmed down quite a bit. No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence! See, Shamu and I went into a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together, and we tore it, and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win! Fourteen million dollars! Really. But see, we have to claim it by 4 p.m. today or we forfeit - Ah, yes. Oh. Well. But there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you, see, um, my blood type is O negative and he's O negative and I have a medical condition that - All right then. Well thank you, anyway. Bye.