Maxwell Smart: It says here the mummy of the Egyptian King Tut the fourth is due to arrive in the United States today.
Chief: Oh really? When is his daddy due?
Maxwell Smart: No, Max, this mummy, King Tut the fourth is dead.
Chief: Oh. And you want me to find out who killed him?
Maxwell Smart: Max, he died more than three thousand years ago.
Chief: Oh, that's bad Chief, it's gonna be very difficult to round up witnesses.
Maxwell Smart: Listen, 13, if you hate your job so much, why don't you get into some other line of business?
Agent 13: Because I'm a trained espionage agent. And besides, it runs in the family.
Maxwell Smart: Your father was a spy?
Agent 13: No, my mother.
Maxwell Smart: Really?
Agent 13: Yeah. She was very big in world war one.
Maxwell Smart: No kidding. What's her name?
Agent 13: I don't know, she won't tell us.
Agent 13: Oh, 86 will you do me a favor?
Maxwell Smart: What?
Agent 13: Eh, you won't tell the Chief that my mother's a spy, will ya?
Maxwell Smart: Well, ok, but why?
Agent 13: I don't think she's on our side.
Maxwell Smart: Tell me this: since my true identity is such a closely guarded secret, how were you able to recognize me?
Miss Smith: I saw your picture in one of the secret agent fan magazines.
Maxwell Smart: This is a very special champagne. Notice the year:
Miss Smith: Oh yes. 1969?
Maxwell Smart: Yes. It's an advance bottle. I understand that that will be a very good year for wine.
Miss Smith: [Miss Smith takes a sip of champagne containing her own sleeping pill] Excellent champagne.
Maxwell Smart: [Max has just sipped champagne containing his own truth serum] Are you kidding? This is the cheapest champagne I could buy.