- Maxwell Smart: Of course, the Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick.
- Maxwell Smart: [hiding in a hamper, trying to alert Larabee by phone] Chief, he hung up on me.
- Chief: Max, now we've got to get out of here alive, if it's only to kill Larabee.
- Larabee: You know, Max, sometimes I think the Chief doesn't like me.
- Agent 99: Why do you say that, Larabee?
- Larabee: I'll tell you, 99. Take that beautiful Japanese dagger he gave me for my birthday.
- Agent 99: Well, I saw that dagger. That's very expensive. If the Chief didn't like you, he wouldn't give you a gift like that.
- Larabee: That's just it, 99. He didn't give it to me, he threw it at me!
- Chief: [on phone in office] Max, does the name Montague Leach mean anything to you?
- Maxwell Smart: [on house phone in Roman Spa] It certainly does, Chief. He's the drummer with The Electric Hare.
- Chief: No, Max, he's not a drummer with The Electric Hare.
- Maxwell Smart: He left the group?
- Maxwell Smart: The temperature in here is definitely getting too high.
- Chief: Why do you say that?
- Maxwell Smart: My locker key is melting!
- Maxwell Smart: Chief, look at your toupee.
- Chief: What's the matter with it?
- Maxwell Smart: It's saluting.
- Maxwell Smart: [during gladiator fight] Hey, watch it with that net! You're liable to get my sword tangled in it.