Maxwell Smart: 99, I'm hit! I'm bleeding!
# 99: It's only red wine, Max.
Maxwell Smart: I'm bleeding red wine?
Maxwell Smart: [interrogating a KAOS parrot] Listen, are you gonna talk, or am I gonna bring in the cat?
Agent 13: [hiding inside a weight and fortune machine] Hi 86, Agent 13 here.
Maxwell Smart: What have you got, 13?
Agent 13: Claustrophobia and flat feet.
Maxwell Smart: Take my watch as security.
Agent 13: Yeah, well, I don't know, 86...
[starts examining it]
Maxwell Smart: It's a perfectly good watch!
Agent 13: Look at that, one of Mickey Mouse' hands is broken.
# 99: Wait! Before you shoot us. I'd like to ask for something.
Kosovich: What is it?
# 99: A goodbye kiss.
Maxwell Smart: 99, you hardly know him!
Maxwell Smart: Well, have you seen anything weird or suspicious?
Agent 13: [grinning] Not til you came along.
# 99: Usual procedure?
Chief: Naturally, three copies of the report.
# 99: File the master copy and burn the other two.
Chief: Of course.
# 99: Chief, I've been meaning to ask you about that. Why do we bother making extra copies when all we do is destroy them?
Chief: That's security procedure, 99.
# 99: Doesn't it strike you as being a little odd?
Chief: Well, I used to think so too, but well it's all carefully explained in the Control Standard Procedure Handbook.
# 99: Oh, may I have a look at that handbook some time?
Chief: No, I'm afraid not, 99.
# 99: Why not?
Chief: We burned it.