Marco: KAOS has just been aquired by I.H. Industries.
Maxwell Smart: Of course, I.H. Industries. Who's I.H. Industries?
Marco: They're a very big conglomerate. They already own steel companies, airlines, oil companies and a chain of pizza parlors.
Maxwell Smart: With all that capitol behind them, there'll be no stopping KAOS.
Chief: KAOS broke in here and ransacked my office.
Maxwell Smart: But I don't understand, Chief. KAOS has never been able to penetrate Control headquarters before.
Chief: That'll give you some idea of what we're up against now. This man who took over KAOS is cunning, diabolical, ingenious.
Maxwell Smart: But there's one thing he's not.
Chief: What's that?
Maxwell Smart: Neat.
Maxwell Smart: What do you suppose KAOS was after, Chief?
Chief: I know perfectly well what they were after, what they've been after for several months now: the plans for the A.A.A.M.M.
Maxwell Smart: You're stammering, Chief.
Chief: I don't stammer!
Maxwell Smart: You always stammer when you get upset.
Chief: I'm not upset, when I said A.A.A.M.M., I meant the Anti-Anti-Anti-Missile Missile.
Maxwell Smart: See what I mean?
Chief: Now Max, you and 99 are to contact agent 44 at this adress: the Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar.
Maxwell Smart: Is that Barbie's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar?
Chief: No, no, no, Barbie's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar is on Balboa Boulevard. You're to go to Bunny Beebe's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar on Barnaby Boulevard.
Agent 44: [in baby carriage] Hello 86.
Maxwell Smart: Is that you, 44?
Agent 44: No, it's Spiro Agnew. Of course it's me. Who else would get a job like this?
Maxwell Smart: Spiro Agnew?
Chief: [Larabee has a bowling ball on his hand] What's that on your hand, Larabee?
Larabee: I bought it at lunch, it got stuck on my fingers.
Chief: Why don't you get some oil to get it off?
Larabee: There's no point in doing that Chief, tonight's my bowling night.
Chief: [Larabee has destroyed a phone with the bowlingball stuck to his hand] Larabee, you smashed the hot-line, how am I going to get the President?
Larabee: I'll get him for ya, Chief.
[walks over to wall, pushes button to slide it open revealing a window behind it that overlooks the White House]
Larabee: [shouting] Mister President!
Chief: Larabee, you can't call the President that way.
Mr. President: [off screen] What do you want?
Maxwell Smart: Excuse me for laughing into your hand, Mr. Iron Face, but the plans that you're talking about happen to be on a plane on their way to a top secret location.
Maxwell Smart: Okanowa.
Maxwell Smart: Now how in the world did I end up with the same carriage I started off with?
Maxwell Smart: [thinks for a moment] I told 'em sixteen wouldn't work.