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(TV Series)

(1966)

Quotes

Maxwell Smart: [86 and 99 are trapped in a phonebooth that is filling up with water] 99, do you have change? All I have is a quarter.

# 99: Oh Max, use the quarter!

Maxwell Smart: Use a quarter for a ten cent phonecall? 99, if you throw your money around like that, you'll have nothing left for a rainy day.

# 99: [trapped in a flooding phone booth] Max, the water is rising. What are we going to do?

Maxwell Smart: Take big swallows.

Maxwell Smart: Hello, operator? Now listen to me and listen carefully... I want you to get me a special Washington phone number. This is a top secret number. Only a few people know it. I want you to forget it the minute that I tell it to you. The number is 628-3097.

Telephone Operator: Oh, you want CONTROL. One moment, please.

Chief: Hello?

Maxwell Smart: Hello, Chief? Uh, this is Max. Uh, listen, Chief, you want to hear something funny? I'm drowning in a phone booth.

Chief: Drowning in a phone booth?

Maxwell Smart: Yes, Chief. You see, what I told you about Mrs. Sloan, that was right. She didn't... she didn't drown in the river.

# 99: Max, please tell him where we are.

Maxwell Smart: Oh, right, 99. Uh, Chief, I think we're gonna need... I think we're gonna need help in a hurry.

Chief: Where are you, Max?

Maxwell Smart: Uh...

[the call is cut off]

Telephone Operator: I'm sorry, your time is up. Insert ten cents more, please.

Maxwell Smart: But operator, I don't have any more change, and this is a matter of life and death.

Telephone Operator: That's what they all say, sir.

Chief: Max, be reasonable. How could a girl drown in a phone booth?

Maxwell Smart: How do I know? Maybe she couldn't swim.

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Maxwell Smart: Are you a psychologist, Dr. Stueben?

Stueben: I'm the president of the psychologist society for mental health and adjustment through fulfillment.

Maxwell Smart: What kind of an organization is that?

Stueben: We're a hate group.

Maxwell Smart: A hate group?

Stueben: Oh, in the sense that we cure hate and fear. We hate hate. Hate it.

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Stueben: I'm going to say a word, and then you respond with the first word that comes into your mind. Are you readdy?

[Max nods]

Stueben: Boy.

Maxwell Smart: Girl.

Stueben: Black.

Maxwell Smart: White.

Stueben: Win.

Maxwell Smart: Loose.

Stueben: Very good.

Maxwell Smart: Very bad.

Stueben: Stop!

Maxwell Smart: Go.

Stueben: No, no!

Maxwell Smart: Yes, yes.

Stueben: [Steuben puts his hands over Max' mouth to shut him up] All right?

Maxwell Smart: [Steuben releases Max and goes back to sit behind his desk] All wrong.

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Dr. Braam: Now Colonel, this is probably the first time you ever had a psychiatric examination, right?

Maxwell Smart: Wrong.

Dr. Braam: Wrong?

Maxwell Smart: Right.

Dr. Braam: Right?

Maxwell Smart: Left.

Dr. Braam: Please...

Maxwell Smart: Thank you.

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Maxwell Smart: And so it must always end... for those who use the human brain for evil... instead of friendliness.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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