Chief: [looking at slide # 4, a deceased Agent 85 aboard the Orient Express] Your conclusion, 86?
Maxwell Smart: Suicide, Chief.
99: But Max, he was gassed!
Maxwell Smart: Well, I don't know anything about his drinking habbits 99, but there's a suicide note on the floor.
Chief: That's his ticket.
Maxwell Smart: I had to destroy the first message. Do you have a copy?
Agent 44: Well you know 86, secret message paper doesn't grow on trees...
Maxwell Smart: Krochanska made a try for the briefcase.
99: Then you know who Krochanska is.
Maxwell Smart: I'm almost positive, 99.
99: Who, Max?
Maxwell Smart: It's somebody on this train.
99: Yes, but who?
Maxwell Smart: The countess. Would you believe it? That lovely countess.
99: I find that very hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: The porter?
99: I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart: The conductor.
Maxwell Smart: The engineer.
Maxwell Smart: How about the dog?
Maxwell Smart: Well, it's gotta be one of them, 99. There's nobody else left.
99: [looking at slide # 5, a bond in a bikini] Who is that?
Maxwell Smart: George Robinson, Kaos agent, Hawaiian branch.
99: Fabulous disguise.
Maxwell Smart: I saw through it in only one minute. Would you believe it? One minute.
99: I find that very difficult to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe... two minutes?
99: I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart: How about our fourth date?
Ernst: [having been stabbed in the back] Afraid I'm going to pack it in, old man.
Maxwell Smart: [shakes his shoulder] I say...
Ernst: [looks up] Hmm?
Maxwell Smart: Who is Krochanska?
Ernst: Don't think I'll live long enough to say... pity.
[packs it in]
Maxwell Smart: Eh, I'm sorry about this mess, conductor.
Train Conductor: It happens all the time on the Orient Express. You think this is bad, you should see compartment 13.
Train Conductor: Passports, please. Passports. We are now entering Liechtenstein.
[Smart hands the conductor his passport. The conductor stamps it, and leaves]
Train Conductor: [seconds later, the conductor returns] Passports, please. Passports. We are now leaving Liechtenstein.
Chief: Now this briefcase must be gotten to B12 somewhere in the Balkans.
Maxwell Smart: Why it's beautiful, Chief, and it's real leather too. Do you think he'll like it.
99: Max, it contains a half million dollars.
Maxwell Smart: He'll love it.
Maxwell Smart: Oh yes, I remember now, a wrong key in this lock will set off an electrical charge of 5000 volts.
Dr. Minelli: And of course, the noise will bring help running.
Maxwell Smart: What noise?
Dr. Minelli: Your screams.
Agent 44: You know everything costs so much today. Guns and knives are expensive, poison is up, strangling wire is 6.80 a yard.