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"Get Smart" Aboard the Orient Express (TV Episode 1965) Poster

Quotes

Chief: [looking at slide # 4, a deceased Agent 85 aboard the Orient Express] Your conclusion, 86?

Maxwell Smart: Suicide, Chief.

Chief: Suicide?

99: But Max, he was gassed!

Maxwell Smart: Well, I don't know anything about his drinking habbits 99, but there's a suicide note on the floor.

Chief: That's his ticket.

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Maxwell Smart: I had to destroy the first message. Do you have a copy?

Agent 44: Well you know 86, secret message paper doesn't grow on trees...

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Maxwell Smart: Krochanska made a try for the briefcase.

99: Then you know who Krochanska is.

Maxwell Smart: I'm almost positive, 99.

99: Who, Max?

Maxwell Smart: It's somebody on this train.

99: Yes, but who?

Maxwell Smart: The countess. Would you believe it? That lovely countess.

99: I find that very hard to believe.

Maxwell Smart: The porter?

99: I don't think so.

Maxwell Smart: The conductor.

99: No.

Maxwell Smart: The engineer.

99: Uh-uh.

Maxwell Smart: How about the dog?

99: Max!

Maxwell Smart: Well, it's gotta be one of them, 99. There's nobody else left.

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99: [looking at slide # 5, a bond in a bikini] Who is that?

Maxwell Smart: George Robinson, Kaos agent, Hawaiian branch.

99: Fabulous disguise.

Maxwell Smart: I saw through it in only one minute. Would you believe it? One minute.

99: I find that very difficult to believe.

Maxwell Smart: Would you believe... two minutes?

99: I don't think so.

Maxwell Smart: How about our fourth date?

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Ernst: [having been stabbed in the back] Afraid I'm going to pack it in, old man.

[slumps]

Maxwell Smart: [shakes his shoulder] I say...

Ernst: [looks up] Hmm?

Maxwell Smart: Who is Krochanska?

Ernst: Don't think I'll live long enough to say... pity.

[packs it in]

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Maxwell Smart: Eh, I'm sorry about this mess, conductor.

Train Conductor: It happens all the time on the Orient Express. You think this is bad, you should see compartment 13.

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The Countess: I am the Countess Rifchevsky.

Maxwell Smart: I am the Maxwell Smart.

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Train Conductor: Passports, please. Passports. We are now entering Liechtenstein.

[Smart hands the conductor his passport. The conductor stamps it, and leaves]

Train Conductor: [seconds later, the conductor returns] Passports, please. Passports. We are now leaving Liechtenstein.

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Chief: Now this briefcase must be gotten to B12 somewhere in the Balkans.

Maxwell Smart: Why it's beautiful, Chief, and it's real leather too. Do you think he'll like it.

99: Max, it contains a half million dollars.

Maxwell Smart: He'll love it.

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Maxwell Smart: Oh yes, I remember now, a wrong key in this lock will set off an electrical charge of 5000 volts.

Dr. Minelli: And of course, the noise will bring help running.

Maxwell Smart: What noise?

Dr. Minelli: Your screams.

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Agent 44: You know everything costs so much today. Guns and knives are expensive, poison is up, strangling wire is 6.80 a yard.

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The Countess: [holds up a bottle of wine] Bouchelet, 1957.

Maxwell Smart: [holds up his paper cup] Dixie cup, 1965.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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