George Lopez: Come on, Angie. Last year when I said we should go out for my mother's birthday, I meant so that she couldn't find us.
Zack Powers: [to Carmen] How come you never wear this tube top for me?
Carmen Lopez: That's a headband.
Zack Powers: All right, put this thong on.
Carmen Lopez: That's a shoelace.
Benny: It's like my mother always told me, "Get cheated on once, shame on them. Get cheated on twice, start putting out."
Carmen Lopez: [to Max] Buttmunch!
Max Lopez: [to Carmen] Buttweed!
Carmen Lopez: [to Max] Buttface!
Angie Lopez: [to Carmen and Max] Okay, stop it. You are both buttmunching, buttweeding, buttfaces!
Angie Lopez: [after George and Benny see Noah kissing a guy] He's a jock. He's probably afraid to come out, so he's using Carmen as a cover. I can't begin to imagine what Noah must be feeling.
Benny: I don't need to imagine, I saw what he was feeling. It was 17 and muscular...
George Lopez: Mom!
George Lopez: [after seeing Noah kiss a guy] Man, that kid's a player. He's just playing for the other team!
Benny: [about Noah] I know for sure that guy's a liar.
Angie Lopez: How?
Benny: He said your cooking was delicious. Either he's a liar or he's never had food before.
George Lopez: [to Carmen] Your boyfriend's in the closet.
Carmen Lopez: Oh, my God!
[the closet door slowly opens and Zack starts to walk out; George doesn't notice]
George Lopez: I know, I don't like it either, but just because Noah's gay...
[Zack gets back into the closet slowly]
George Lopez: ... it has nothing to do with you.
Noah: Look, I'm really sorry about this. I mean, you guys were really nice to me, and your mother. I really enjoyed meeting your mother.
George Lopez: Enough of your lies, get out!
[shoves Noah out the door\mocks Noah]
George Lopez: "I enjoyed meeting your mother." Taya loca! "Enjoyed meeting your mother!"