Dr. Rick Dagless: [talking to mother about hospitalized son] He's a good kid, but you've got to keep him off the smack otherwise this will keep happening. How about you find yourself a husband, get some stability in your life.
Dr Liz Asher: [talking about a patient that has turned green] Apparently she was in for a routine operation to get her toe shortened which was really long like a finger, the next thing she knew this happened. All in all you could say that she's a little off color.
[Thorton, Liz, and Dagless all laugh]
Dr Lucien Sanchez: [shouts] You shut your mouth Liz!
Dr. Rick Dagless: No you shut your mouth Sanch, that was funny. Look, if we lose our sense of humor in this place we might as well all go and kill ourselves.
Dean Learner: Dag's right. After all, the reason I got into medicine in the first place was for the laughs. That and the pussy, and that dried up ten years ago if you pardon the expression.
Garth Marenghi: The broccoli had gone. But the hurt remained.
Garth Marenghi: With this show, I wanted people to laugh and cry... and shit themselves all at the same time.
Thornton Reed: [after firing a shotgun to break up a bar brawl] Knock it off you two, this is a hospital!
Padre: [to Dr. Rick Dagless] You're the most sensitive man I know, and I know God.
Padre: [opens arms to give Dag a hug] Come on, come to Padre, embrace the infinite.
Garth Marenghi: I've always loved the great tragedies, King Lear, The Poseidon Adventure, Superman 2.
Thorton Reed: I've been there hombre, when I heard my wife died I could barely finish my lunch.
Dr Liz Asher: I guess being told I couldn't get a chicken supper was the straw that broke this camel's back. It was unprofessional and girlish. It won't happen again.
Dean Learner: If he gets word of this my arse is grass and he's got a lawnmower if you know what I mean?
Dr. Rick Dagless: I'm finding food a real bore at the moment.
Dr Lucien Sanchez: What I do is sometimes get a tin of soup, heat it up, poach an egg in it, serve that with a pork pie sausage roll.
Dr. Rick Dagless: I'll get a Wimpy.
Padre: If you need me I'll be right here in the vestry, if not I'll be out in the jeep.
Dr. Rick Dagless: What's this?
Linda: A dreamcatcher
Dr. Rick Dagless: What's a dreamcatcher?
Linda: It's like a wind chime.
Dr. Rick Dagless: Then why didn't you say wind chime?