Hermes Conrad: [worried] What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? IT IS! MY PRECIOUS TORSO!
Bender: Bite my colossal metal ass!
[Leela fantasizes she killed the Professor]
Bender: There's nothing wrong with murder, so long as you let Bender wet his beak.
Leela: You're blackmailing me?
Bender: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool.
Al Gore: If we don't go back there and make that event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed... And as an environmentalist, I'm against that.
Nichelle Nichols: Something's wrong. Murder isn't working, and that's all we're good at.
[the universe has been destroyed]
Nichelle Nichols: Eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.
Stephen Hawking: Oh, great. The universe was destroyed.
Fry: Destroyed? Then where are we?
Al Gore: I don't know, but I dang well know where we're not - the universe.
Dr. Zoidberg: [sees a guinea pig on a plate] What's this? Two meals in one week?
[Zoidberg devours the live guinea pig, and is trapped behind a glass box]
Amy Wong: Sucker!
Dr. Zoidberg: Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!
[Fry has disrupted the space-time continuum]
Al Gore: Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That whang to the head should have killed you.
Nichelle Nichols: [menacingly] Let's finish the job.
Professor Farnsworth: Oh. You've killed me! You've killed me!
Leela: Oh God! What have I done?
Professor Farnsworth: I just told you. You've killed me!
Bender: As a robot living among humans, I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So I've always secretly wondered... what if I was five-hundred feet tall?
Hermes Conrad: We're jerked! Nothing can stop a monster that big.
Professor Farnsworth: Nothing except an even more equally big monster.
Fry: Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying, and we'll never even know why he came.
Bender: I'll tell you, with my final breath. I came here with a simple dream: a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real seven billion ton robot monster here? Not I. Not... I.
Announcer: Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more... Tales of Interest!
Dr. Zoidberg: So, anteater number one. Are you covering for someone? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name!
[Anteater makes noise]
Dr. Zoidberg: What? How do you spell that?
Fry: What are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wienner?
Dr. Zoidberg: If that's his pizza, then I'm I.C. whatever.
Mr. Panucci: The usual, Mr. Hawking?
Stephen Hawking: No. Today I want something good.
Mr. Panucci: Ha ha! You're all right, Hawking.
[a giant Bender is destroying New York City]
Amy Wong: There goes the neighborhood.
Amy Wong: There goes another neighborhood.
Al Gore: To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax, inventor of Dungeons & Dragons.
Gary Gygax: Greetings it's a...
Gary Gygax: ...pleasure to meet you.
Mr. Panucci: There's only three real monsters, kid: Dracula, Blackula, and Son of Kong! Now quit picking your nose and knead that dough!
Dr. Zoidberg: My next clue came at 4:15, when the clock stopped. The next clue came two hours later, at 4:15, when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.
Professor Farnsworth: Who else has a question for the What-If machine? Scruffy, Fry?
Fry: Uh, I have a question. What if Bender was really giant?
Leela: You idiot! We already saw that!
Fry: I know, I liked it. I want to see it again.
Professor Farnsworth: We're not seeing it again! Ask something less stupid.
Fry: Oh alright, how about this. What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?
Professor Farnsworth: That question is less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What if Fry never came to the future?
Leela: Hey, you guys! Look at what I bought on a wild impulse. New boots. They're just like my old boots, but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm gonna do next!
Dr. Zoidberg: Police. Bah! Nosy meddlers. It so happens that I have mail order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot!
Fry: Who are you?
Bender: I'm a big robot, and I want a big cereal!
Fry: You too? Will you be my friend?
Bender: Put it there, pal!
[Fry shakes hands]
Bender: I meant your wallet.
Leela: Who are you?
Scruffy: Scruffy, the janitor.
Leela: I've never seen you before.
Scruffy: I've never seen you before neither.
Hermes Conrad: Come on, woman. Pick something.
Fry: Yeah, be more impulsive, like this.
[Pours milk and cereal on his head, starts eating it]
Bender: Go, man, go!
Bender: Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks, and his arm? Leela, I'm shocked! Food goes in the disposal, hair and flesh go in the trash.
Leela: Okay, just try to be nonchalant.
[Enters whistling nonchalantly]
Dr. Zoidberg: All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.
Dr. Zoidberg: So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it! Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?
[destroys Chase Manhattan Bank building]
Dr. Zoidberg: Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open mike night, eh? I'll show you!
[crushes Apollo Theater]
Leela: [Talking out loud to herself] Okay that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing - just have a stick of gum.