[Joey is trying to make Frank Jr. see sense]
Joey: Think about it... You're 18, she's 44. When you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
Frank Buffay Jr.: You think I don't know that?
Phoebe Buffay: It's not that I'm judgmental, but the whole thing is wrong, it's sick and wrong.
Ross Geller: Is it the age thing?
Phoebe Buffay: I'm okay with the age thing, until it starts to put its tongue down my brother's throat.
Joey: [to Ross, after Phoebe has manipulated them into doing something uncomfortable] So... we're walking down the street, and I turn to you and say, "Hey! Let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes!" Remember? And then, you turn to me, and you say, "Nah, let's just hang out at your place." Well, that was a nice move, dumbass!
Monica Geller: Seriously, what the hell is this?
Pete Becker: I never know how much to tip.
Monica Geller: You're suppose to double the tax, not double the tax of Romania.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather and then bathe in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Chandler Bing: Or what my father calls "Thursday night".
Ross Geller: Exactly. It'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey: Yeah, or to get a hooker.
Chandler Bing: Always illegal, Joe.
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. You are strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Joey: Joey's your best friend... and you want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants...
Gunther: Oh, Dark Mother... once again I suckle at your smoky teat.
[Monica dates Pete, a millionaire]
Joey: [to Pete] So, how much cash is in your pocket *right now*?
Monica: [to Pete] And that's why I'm not inviting you in for a drink.
Phoebe Buffay: This is not fair to Frank, and it's not fair to the babies, and you know what? It's not good home economics.
Ross Geller: Hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel Green: Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
Ross Geller: Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me.
Rachel Green: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down on the count of three and play "Wipeout" on your butt cheeks.