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"Friends" The One with Phoebe's Cookies (TV Episode 2000) Poster

Quotes

Phoebe: Y'know, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I bet she's lookin' up at us and smiling right now.

Ross: Looking *up*?

Phoebe: Oh yeah. No, she was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.

Monica: Well, I've tried everything. I give up. I guess I'm not gonna be the mom who makes the world's best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that, right?

Ross: Aww, Pheeb, come on isn't there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?

Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And that's not happening 'til October 15th, 2032.

Ross: That's the day you're gonna die? See - darn it, I've got shuffleboard that day.

Phoebe: That's what *you* think.

Monica: Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmother's... wouldn't they have the recipe?

Phoebe: Well, y'know, I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Toulouse.

Monica: What was her name?

Phoebe: Nesele Toulouse.

Monica: NESTLE TOLLHOUSE?

Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language!

Monica: [grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips] Phoebe, is *this* the recipe?

[tosses her the bag]

Phoebe: [reading the recipe on the back of the bag] Yes!

[realizes]

Phoebe: Ohhhh.

Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!

Phoebe: I know! You see, it is stuff like this which is why

[looking down]

Phoebe: you're burning in hell!

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Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up.

Monica: No. Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?

Phoebe: [pauses] Because I'm normal.

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Joey: You're mean on the boat.

Rachel: What? I was just trying to teach you.

Joey: Well, lesson learned. Rachel is mean.

Ross: Yeeeeeep... Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took me out on her dad's boat she wouldn't let me help at all.

Rachel: Excuse me, I wanted you to help, but you couldn't move your arms because you were wearing three life jackets.

Ross: You have to respect the sea.

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Rachel: Oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming.

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Monica: Wow, I haven't made this many cookies since the 8th grade!

Phoebe: What was that, for a bake sale or something?

Monica: No, just a Friday night

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Rachel: Look Joey, I'm sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.

Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead?"

Rachel: Well, does a good student drink seven beers during his first lesson?

Joey: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?

Rachel: Yeah, I didn't want you to get hit by the boom!

Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it would've hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.

Rachel: All right, y'know what? I-I'm sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling.

Joey: You won't boss me around anymore?

Rachel: I won't boss you around.

Joey: And you'll be nice?

Rachel: And, I'll be nice.

Joey: And you'll be topless?

Rachel: And I'll-Joey!

Joey: Do you want me to learn?

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Rachel: Okay Joey, we're luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham?

Joey: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didn't know there.

Rachel: Joey, come on! We just went over this!

Joey: Oh, y'know, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!

Rachel: [furious] No! All right? I did *not* see the bird! I did *not* see the fish! I did *not* see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did *not*, because I was trying to teach you *how* to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!

Joey: All right that's it! You're yelling and I don't see you taking your top off! I quit!

Rachel: What do you mean you quit? You can't quit!

Joey: Why not?

Rachel: Because you're not finished yet and I won't have it! Greens do not quit!

Joey: Greens? I'm a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!

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Rachel: Y'know Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.

Joey: You could?

Rachel: Yeah. I've been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.

Phoebe: Your own boat?

Rachel: What? What? He was trying to cheer me up. My pony was sick.

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Rachel: You know, Joey, I could teach you to sail, if you want.

Joey: You could?

Rachel: Yeah! I've been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.

Phoebe: Your own boat?

Rachel: What? What? He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.

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Monica: I want to have your grandmother's cookie recipe!

Phoebe: You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?

Monica: Uh-huh, yeah.

Phoebe: You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?

Chandler Bing: Dying people say the craziest things!

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