- Carlton Banks: [singing] Deck the slopes with babes in tight pants: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Carlton's gonna get some romance: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
- William 'Will' Smith: [singing] No, you're not 'cause you're too ugly: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. They'll all be in my room, cute and snuggly: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Geoffrey: Madam, Sir. This family is a close to me as my own. My gift to you is a set of hand towels. I'm British, I'm no good at this mushy stuff.
- Bobby: [after he sees Uncle Lester fall during skiing] Daddy, when you were rolling down that big hill, you looked just like Gumby.
- William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, Uncle Lester, and you sounded like Patti LaBelle.
- Carlton Banks: [when everyone starts singing] Hey! Wait a minute. You guys are drowning me out. My gift to you is a solo.
- William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, you can still sing solo. So low that we can't hear you.
- Aunt Helen: [to Bobby after the adults enter the cabin and sees the kids bound and gagged] Bobby, how many times do I have to tell you not to tie up the family?
- [Will is filming a home movie at the cabin]
- William 'Will' Smith: Here we are in the lovely state of Utah.
- [sotto voce]
- William 'Will' Smith: Don't ask me why. Only black people I've seen have been in the Ray Charles Pepsi commercial.
- Frank Schaeffer: You're kidding. Every time I turn around I see a black person.