Sam Malone: This is strange. I gotta tell you, I didn't know he had a brother.
Niles: Frasier, I don't mind telling you I'm a little offended that all the time you spent swapping bon mots with the beer nut set you never once mentioned you had a brother?
Sam Malone: Well, you know, the truth is, I bet he said something, it's just that when Frasier gets going you kind of have to tune him out.
Niles: That's a good slogan for his radio show- "Dr. Frasier Crane, when he gets going, you have to tune him out."
[correcting a continuity error from Cheers]
Martin: [about Frasier] Hey, Sam, what'd he tell you about me, the father, the old cop?
Sam Malone: Well, uh, he told me you were dead.
Martin: [surprised] Dead?
Frasier: Well, we had an argument one day. He called me a stuffed shirt and hung up on me. I was mad.
Sam Malone: [to Martin] You were a cop?
Sam Malone: You told me he was a research scientist.
Frasier: [to Martin] You were dead! What did it matter?
[after meeting Sam's fiancee, Sheila]
Frasier: Oh my God... I slept with that woman three months ago.
[Niles and Roz gape at him]
Roz Doyle: *You* slept with *her*?
Niles: On what desert island with no hope of rescue was this?
Frasier: What the hell you do mean, you were about to get married?
Sam Malone: All right, all right. Uh, well, I met this girl six months ago, and we were supposed to get married. And yesterday, I was standing in this church facing this minister, and I hear him say, "Will you take this woman to be your wife?" and I said, "Who, me?" Well, the next thing you know, I'm running down the aisle and I didn't stop running until I got here.
Frasier: All right, all right, look, look, Sam, come, let's have a seat here and start this thing from the very beginning. Now, who is this woman?
Sam Malone: Ah, she's a terrific person. She's smart, and she's funny; she's horny. I mean, she's just the kind of chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal.
Frasier: You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.
Sam Malone: I'll tell you, man: She's one in million.
Frasier: You know, for most guys that's just an expression.
Frasier: So, that's our show for today. Don't forget, Bob "Bulldog" Brisco is up next and... oh, yes. This is KACL Cash Call Week. $5,000 when you answer your phone with the phrase that pays. So when your phone rings, don't say "hello", say...
[Frasier sees Sam outside the studio]
Frasier: Well, blow me down! No, no, no, no! Just, uh, say, uh, "KACL is the talk of the town." Talk of Seattle, whatever. Bye-bye.
Daphne Moon: I don't understand this American obsession with sports figures. They're all so superficial.
Martin: Yeah, it's not like they do anything real important, like sit on a throne or christen ships.
Roz Doyle: [entering from booth] Fras, I gotta go. Your messages are on my desk and... whoa, who is this?
Sam Malone: I'm Sam Malone. I was a buddy of Frasier's in Boston.
Frasier: This is Roz Doyle.
Roz Doyle: [to Frasier] So this is the Sam Malone you've always talked about? The one who has no respect for women and treats them like dirt?
Roz Doyle: Need anyone to show you around Seattle?
Sam Malone: Well, you know, to tell you the truth, I'm all right with the city, but I get real lost in my hotel room.
Frasier: Oh, boy. Just look at the two of you face to face. I imagine wild animals all over the Northwest are lifting their heads, alerted to the scent. Good-bye, Roz.
Roz Doyle: Well, if you need any company, give me a call. Here's my number.
Sam Malone: Well, thanks. That's a snazzy card.
Frasier: Yes, it glows in the dark.
Roz Doyle: So do I.
Niles: Is it my imagination, or is Sam flirting with Daphne?
Frasier: Well, of course he's flirting with her. He flirts with everybody. He can't help it, he's a sexual compulsive. But he's getting help for it in a support group.
Niles: [hearing Daphne giggling in the kitchen] Did he miss a meeting?
Frasier: So, who's Sheila?
Sam Malone: Just the um... woman I'm supposed to marry.
Frasier: Marry? When?
Sam Malone: Uh, oh boy, um, yesterday.
Sam Malone: Oh, wow, hey, something sure smells yummy here.
[leans in closer to Daphne]
Sam Malone: Oh, wait a second, I think it's me.
Sam Malone: Hey listen, you wanna really put a smile on Maris's face, let me tell you what you do.
[whispers in Nile's ear]
Niles: Exactly where am I supposed to find whipped cream and a car battery at this hour?
Sam Malone: You got neighbors, don't you?
Sheila: I'm a sexual compulsive. It's how Sam and I met, in group. Look, that night I spent with you, I guess I just kind of fell off the wagon. What I did was terrible. I felt awful afterwards. It ended up being a kind of turning point for me. That's how it is with addiction; before you get better you have to hit rock bottom.
Frasier: Yes. Well... I'm glad I could be down there for you.